Again...

All this happened recently...

I quit smoking (Last night’s puffs of a messed up argeelah don’t count)

Started working out

Did something stupid

Wished I could be somewhere else

Almost got into another retarded accident in the university’s parking lot

Stayed awake for 20+ hours and slept for the following 18 hours

Tried to convince myself of some fundamental issues, but to no avail

Got myself yet another camera

Thought about the past 12 or so years spent at our soon to be demolished ‘home’, thus, leading to an actual state of “looking for a place called home”
Had a few nightmares and déjà vu moments, not good

Got back to reality, maybe I should just hide in my bedroom forever

Realised that some things are significantly easier said than done

Found out the hard way that karma and fate can be a little slut sometimes

*cough cough*

Paying the price for a few days of pure madness, seeing Above & Beyond in Beirut, beating Arsenal in the Champions League and meeting several new friends and learning a thing or two about a fascinating country. The constant change of weather + smoking indefinable amounts of sheesha has gotten me a nasty flu, headache and a running nose. Yey! Slowly getting better though, slowly

Scorchin'

Taken away, astonished, surprised, blown away, dumbfounded, are all words that perfectly describe how my feelings were last night, some still linger, but lack of sleep and fatigue is overwhelming. The memories are imprinted in my memory forever.

This place is messed up in a fascinating way, the unique mix of pretty much everything here is probably unorthodox anywhere else in the world.

Beirut, I love you! A proper post to follow hopefully, I was planning to do a similar travel blog or diary, similar to what I did last summer, but didn’t really have much time, laptop’s battery doesn’t help either when it keeps on running out after 40 minutes! (Or less), but hey, being out and about is better than being stuck in a hotel room ;)
Back in Dubai in a few hours

The art of dissing

Typed this around 24 hours ago, couldn’t upload it due to the internet issue I had (mentioned below). Happy reading

This is endless… Well, endless for three more months… Doing a dissertation, as I am sadly finding out is not something that you can finish huge chunks of quickly, it's a tedious, continuous and painstakingly endless process of work, work and more work… Once you have something in place you have to re-do it, re-look at it, examine it, analyze it and you can't just 'finish it', you have to go back to it at some latter point… It is something you have to follow through rigorously, it's true that this should be the case with everything really, but I'm finding out by doing this that I am NOT a perfectionist, I don't like relooking at things I already did, because I don't like finding silly mistakes that are always bound to be there, not the most professional attitude, and definitely not one for someone who claims to try to improve himself, but hey, nobody is perfect. I try to make the original as good as possible… Although I have to succumb eventually and ask someone to proof read it for my lazy ass.
Been having router problems for the past three or so hours, relying on an unreliable and unsecured network from one of our lovely neighbours to access the internet, thankfully I don't need it desperately now, but it's just annoying… Especially when the internet connection has supposedly been 'upgraded', something that we're yet to experience, hope this router failure and my persistent nagging will lead to even more changes in the I.T. Infrastructure at the O residences

For the time being, I have to find a way to motivate myself to read at least two more articles

Getting there

Funny ol’ game.

I had my first job interview yesterday, I like to convince myself that I did well, thanks 4-years of studying (almost) and my relatively limited experience in life and half-decent talking skills. I doubt I will be offered anything since the property doesn’t open for another 3 years, but we’ll see... Haven’t had interviews for quite a while... The school work has more or less reached a halt, couldn’t motivate myself to continue, but will try to be slightly productive today, somehow.

Random- I wish I could harm someone, had the opportunity before but couldn’t, maybe I’m either too ‘nice’ or just too stupid. Cannot understand you anymore, I guess this is what happens when the person in front of you is either extremely intelligent, or absolutely retarded.

False state

One of those long days, practically almost over, should be asleep and get ready for an even more hectic day, running out of time while still being in my comfort zone, not realising that it’s time to start doing actual work. Keeping on convincing myself that I have half the work cut out by my previous efforts before the little logic in my head tells me that it’s not enough, endless cycle really. Losing track of my surroundings; I admit I never had a proper sense of place or time (Especially the latter), so when someone like me says that, than that means something! At this very moment, I think I’m taking things for granted. Not good.

I feel the whole of 2007 has come and again very quickly, it wasn’t a particularly bad year or anything, in fact, it was probably another major turning point, but still, when I look back at general trivial events like the last world cup, when I got my car, certain courses and some events, I get the feeling that the whole year didn’t even count or exist in the calendar... Seems I’m not the only one with that damned sentiment either, “N” is there too... Can’t blame her, more or less similar situations, but some people have more at stake than others. Waiting, praying and hoping does not always yield positive results, learning that the hard way

Trying to figure out my mental strength is not easy, or fun...

Projectation

One week into the semester and I haven’t done ANYTHING for my dissertation, I don’t have a research question, haven’t considered the variables, NOTHING... I guess I will use the excuse of having another project to worry about when I meet my supervisor tomorrow afternoon. I still have the gut feeling that it should not be as hard as I imagine or as hard as they try to make us think...

Have to give credit to K for an amazing set, as usual, brought back many memories of starting to listen to trance, old car, old friends, old everything that reminds me of those times two or three years ago... Didn’t hear the whole thing yet, but hearing Ferry Corsten’s remix of Aven’s “All I want” was more than enough I guess! Ferry at his best probably

As far as R is concerned, I wish he’d stop confusing me and giving me those scares every now and then. Had a good weekend though, didn’t do much school-related, but still...
One last thing- Etisalat = Greed!

My half-arsed attempt at a rant

The following things suck:

Politics, anything from presidential elections to the lack of any global condemnation of the so-called self-defence carried out against children and women in Gaza

George Gillett and Tom Hicks, and their “dreamland” dreams and stubbornness, how many drinks do we have to spill on Tom’s son? How many chants, banners and God knows what else do we have to come up with to make you dumb asses realise that you are not welcome at Anfield? Get the hell out ffs

Traffic, yes, it does suck, and no, the metro won’t solve this city’s traffic issues

The weather, seriously, how many times can one possibly get the flu in one winter season?! Let alone a whole year.

Relationships: note to self- there is no perfect match or a match made in heaven. Get over it, if you’re not willing to make sacrifices and if you still think that real love exists, then maybe you should get your head fixed.

Friendships, sigh

Dubai ‘raves’, they aren’t actual raves, how often do you go to an actual rave and see people in neat dresses and suits?

Tech-trance is shit compared to uplifting...

Bla bla bla

So it’s already March, indecisive about a few things, how to carry out my dissertation (and where), where to work, whether to give a hoot or not about the consultancy project, work in the same field of my major or seek new and different challenges, start applying or stay put and wait to see what fate (And wasta) might throw my way. Where to go, what to do in the summer, use the last few months of being a student to go to places on someone else’s expense (In other words: my folks).

Working on an external consultancy project now, which is one of two courses in my last ever semester at the university I currently go to. Having to wake up at 6 AM and report to ‘work’ by 7 AM is not really an experience I’m fond of, given my tendency to stay up late, add to that natural sleeping disorders and you have a recipe of a grumpy ‘worker’. Thankfully I don’t really have to do anything serious, as the work revolves mainly around observing and discussing with employees the current procedures and the nature of their jobs, in addition to assisting and doing bits and pieces of what they do, to get an idea of the nature of work and give suggestions on how to improve it. Thing is though, I doubt there is much we can do really or come up with that has not been discussed previously or suggested already. Fortunately, I am doing this project with a classmate, as we had the option to do it individually or in groups of two people. And by the way, I was supposedly off for the past month, but started this earlier than we’re supposed to. My partner in this project is not ‘dissertating’, thus it was in our interest to start it earlier and get it out of the way for me, and get him finally graduated. =)

Supposedly upgraded the internet to a 4 MB connection, but it’s quite irrelevant when the router is of pathetic quality, now I have to go through another hassle to choose a new router and install it (Read: Get someone to install it and test it). Talking about the internet, haven’t updated my ‘mobile’ blog (http://omthego.blogspot.com) for a while as for some reason, on the rare occasions that I feel like updating it, the service encounters a ‘failure’, typical Etisalat...

Saw Blake Jarrell and Armin last week, as a set, Armin’s set was fine, a bit confusing, but overall, significantly better than PvD, certainly kept the crowd going (But not me, tech-trance and house-ish stuff are not really my thing... Finally got the time to sit down and try to write up some mini personal review of the event. As a whole experience, there were some disappointing bits that had NOTHING to do with Armin’s set, just personal crap... Nothing coming up in the next month or so trance-wise apart from Sander Van Doorn, which means more tech-trance, although I’ve been hearing that his album is quite good, yet to listen to it though... Not expecting much, sometimes I get more excited by listening on my own to radio shows and sets on my laptop or on the radio.
Above & Beyond are playing in Beirut in less than a month, contemplating going, seriously. I missed their gig here for ludicrous reasons, hopefully I will be able to go, just got to get things organised a bit at uni with the two projects mentioned earlier. On a totally different note, thinking about deactivating my Facebook account (Again)... It confuses me sometimes.

Almost there

Finally this hell-ish week is almost over. Had relatives visiting (And vomiting) from Oman staying in my room, had to ‘stay’ at the university’s dorms. The iPod has retired and the car has ‘axel’ issues to be sorted out (In addition to the lovely squeaky brakes), that overrated idiot called Tiesto is playing here again, couldn’t care less about him... Why pay an over the odds amount to see him play a typical and predictable set on Valentine’s day (Out of all days). Would rather go see one of my friends spin some house (Although it’s not my ‘thing’, nothing compares to trance) but on the plus side, he’s underrated and talented (And nice, not an arrogant dickhead. Talking about trance, Armin is visiting these shores again, and the Anjunaboys (Above & Beyond) are playing in the Middle East again, this time in Beirut. Time to make up for missing out on their gig here and revive some 2007 summer memories, hopefully I will be able to make it.

On a positive note, sister has sold off her old car and getting a new one within a few days (Probably before the weekend), got my old camera and zoom lens back and was told that I’ll be able to get some additional accessories for my camera, yey! A few months away from graduation too, not bad. Will probably miss uni days, but I have a feeling it won’t be the last time, I’ll probably occupy myself at some point in my career with courses, seminars and such (As long as it’s out of someone else’s pockets of course. Greed!). Spider had that surgery, was dizzy for a day or two before getting hyper all over again, poor thing is terrified though thanks to our extremely adorable (NOT!!!!) guests.

Another thing, stopped really tracking the number of visitors to this blog and other useless trivial details related to it, lost interest, more importantly, why should I bother? As if it makes a difference anymore.

Cynical

Maybe I do actually think a bit too much sometimes and try to overanalyze everything… Trying to read more into things, events, facts and so on might be good sometimes, but when it’s done excessively, it becomes a burden as you tend to doubt everything when thinking that “Dam, there must be more to it which might be hidden”… Sometimes one should literally calm down… Maybe some things ARE exactly like how they seem to be, believe it or not… Insecurity perhaps?
MLV’s remix of Sun Is Shining just popped into my head for no reason.

Karma...

اشوف فيكم يوم بس أنا... حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل
كما تدين تدان

Depressing that one sometimes has no choice but to deal with low-lives like you. Karma will find a fucking way to bring all the bad karma you brought to me back to you, whether I will be there to witness it is irrelevant because I know it will happen someday, somewhere... Everything happens for a reason

In Rafa we trust...

Disclaimer: If you are not into football, then don’t bother reading this post. What is in this post is my interpretation of what has been happening; I might be totally wrong or accurate. Point of this is to rant and voice my clear lack of satisfaction at what is happening in the boardrooms.

Been trying to get myself to write this rant for a while, I don’t know where to start. To describe the whole situation in a few words: We are f***ed. The club has been bought about a year ago by two American investors, Gillette and Hicks, this was the latest takeover in a series of several other which has seen the likes of both Manchester clubs, Chelsea, Newcastle, Birmingham, Chelsea amongst others changing hands. What makes this different is that ever since the 2007/2008 season started, problems have been occurring from left, right and center… The owners promised something, and are trying to do something totally different, used the term ‘trying’ because they are not even succeeding in their devilish contingency plan. They promised that they will invest from their own money, not throw the debt on to the books of the club like what a certain Malcolm Glazer and his family did a few miles away at Old Trafford. What they did is finance the takeover using debt, now, since that initial loan is about to expire and they have to pay it, they want to somehow get ANOTHER loan to pay for the original loan AND instead of taking liability for it, making the club and the holding company (Kop Holdings) bear with the loan.

What else have they done wrong? One of them comes out and gloats in November, when spats between Rafael Benetiz and them started regarding providing enough financial backing for player transfers during the January transfer window. What did that useless living object tell the press? He goes and tells the world that him and the other owner went and talked to the coach of the German national team in 2006 and discuss with him replacing Rafael Benetiz in case the club did not make it past the group stages in the Champions League, thankfully we made it through, and one normally would expect that nobody will ever know about that meeting between the owners, the German and his wife. Why did he come out and talk about it, then in the same amazing announcement provide assurance to Rafa saying that they are fully behind him and that he has their full support! Actions speak louder than words, and what he did was clearly unprofessional and more importantly, totally uncalled for. During that interview, he used terms such as that Klinsman (The German manager who for the record has NO experience whatsoever in managing clubs) was an “insurance policy” in case things did not go according to plan in Merseyside and that the ‘hiccups’ encountered in November regarding the transfers and financing were due to “bad communication” on Rafael Benetiz’s behalf! Outrageous, unacceptable and simply pathetic, the other owner has made it clear that he is quite unimpressed with his partner’s revelation, making the rift not only between manager and owners, but also owners themselves. Who else is to blame? The chief executive of our club, Rick Parry, he might be good for a midtable club, but he certainly lacks the ability to take this club further. All he cares about is his ego and himself, if it wasn’t due to his mismanagement and retarded decisions we would have been bought by DIC (Dubai Investment Corporation, or whatever it is called), but no, he opts to listen to the Americans instead because it would guarantee keeping his job. It’s becoming a nightmare, not a single week goes by without more confusion and uncertainty. The new stadium is still far from being built, despite the long wait (A decade or so me thinks), Javier Mascherano’s permanent stay is yet to be confirmed (We need 17M pounds for that, but even the bloody Yankees fail to see that we need a player of his caliber in our squad), we are already out of contention for the league title (We were realistically out of it by the end of December after a run of disappointing draws home and away). Some fans might question Rafa’s policies and his regime and say that there hasn’t been any major progress, but sacking him is NOT the way forward… The last thing we want is to sack one of our most ambitious and knowledgeable managers for almost two decades and become a laughing stock like a certain football club that is known as Newcastle United.

In Rafa we trust, but FOR FUCK’S SAKE GIVE THE MAN SOME AUTONOMY

A look back at 2007

Maybe it’s a bit late to wish whoever might stumble upon this blog of mine a happy new year, but I’m always late, bet I will be late for my own funeral. Always said it, and will always say it again in amazement: Time flies, and so much happens in one year. Won’t go into every little single thing, as it’s impossible to remember everything… Will try to mention the so-called highlights…

I never imagined myself taking pictures with a big fat ass camera, something in me tells me that I made the upgrade way too soon, as a friend’s suggestion in the summer of 2006 rings in my head that it would be a waste of money, but at least I enjoy it, became such an addiction. Had my first proper photo shoot with a DJ friend, DJ Afroboogie, the resident DJ at Peppermint Club here, gladly it turned out quite well and he uses the pictures in his official press releases, not bad I guess, I also became quite picky with pictures. Lately tried to experiment with HDR, it’s not as easy as it seems, and it’s diluting my previous concept of avoiding photo manipulation… But I have to admit that although HDR photos ARE fake, but they sometimes turn out amazing.

Another addiction is trance, kind of drifted away from house and electro. Trance Around The World with Above & Beyond remains my favorite radio show, the Deep Blue Radio Show with Solar Stone and Agnelli & Nelson and their lovely guest mixes, along with A State Of Trance by Armin Van Buuren (The new number 1 DJ in the world according to the overrated DJ MAG poll and ranking). Met some great and humble guys, such as Fila of Aly & Fila, Sean Tyas, Robert Nelson of Agnelli & Nelson, one half of Mark Norman and one of my all time favorites, Ferry Corsten amongst others. I missed out on Above & Beyond’s gig here in Dubai due to some messed up reasons, but 2008 promises to be even better, with a slight, very slight chance of going to Trance Energy in Holland, the line-up is scary, on a more domestic note, in the next month Ferry Corsten is coming again here, while one of trance’s new sensations, Sied Van Riel is playing in Muscat, Oman (Yes, considering going to that after missing out on DJ Amadeus’s gig there).

I got myself a second set of decks as the first one was utterly useless and did not even work, the new one is more than double the price, but much better, way better actually and easier to carry around. I still don’t have a clue how to mix, beat match or anything, heck, I don’t even know how to use the use the infamous cue button, but I’m taking things slowly, after all, you can’t learn and master such things overnight. As we say “God didn’t create the world in one day” (Six days to be precise, according to the Quran).

As far as education goes, it’s been a hectic year, especially the fall semester, out of the dean’s list, but at least the grading system changed, which boosted everyone’s GPA dramatically. It’s a pity how when you look back it the mistakes seem so easy, but at the time of committing them; it didn’t seem worth it to even bother. But hey, I’m a few months away from graduation, and since I mentioned that, I’m seriously considering NOT going to my own ball/prom/graduation party or whatever it is called, such an overrated affair. Quite ironic that I went to all the other balls during my four years at university, but won’t go to my own. (As if anyone will notice my presence or absence).

Summer was surprisingly good, despite me insisting that I will NOT go anywhere, I ended up going to Jordan twice, the first was for Distant Heat in Wadi Rum, memorable event, generally for the right things, a look back at my older posts will show you the not so good things when all the memories (Almost) were stolen by a freakin’ cunt. (Excuse my French)…
Football-wise, I posted my thoughts and reflections on the year on XT here: http://www.xtratime.org/forum/showthread.php?t=226083 , happy reading! It’s funny how a year ago we thought the Americans (Gillette and Hicks) and their takeover was the best thing to happen to our ‘big’ club, but a year on, we’re full of doubt over the future of the club, where it is going, whether we will finally win the league title again or not, now everything is uncertain, the new ground which has been in limbo for a decade or so, the new signings we need to seriously challenge for the title, our boss staying or leaving, the tactics on the pitch, getting rid of the deadwood (Riise and Kuyt for instance) and so many other less serious issues, but ones that still have a serious impact on the club as a whole. We reached the Champions League final again after a mesmerizing run that saw us beat Barca and Chelsea, they were quite emotional moments only comparable to the 2005 win, we were labeled the worst fans in Europe by the UEFA because of the lack of proper organization and planning on THEIR parts, I don’t know what the heck Plattini is doing up there, trying to change things that are fundamental parts of the game… We eventually lost 2-1 to AC Milan), but even that is seen as a distant memory now…

I met many new people thanks to friends, Facebook believe it or not and university, also lost contact and fell out with others… C’est la vie really. You can’t have it all your way. One can just hope for the best but prepare for the WORST.

New year’s resolutions? Nothing really, it’s just the same long-standing hopes that transferred from 2007 to 2008. On an off-topic note: My elder sister is planning to do the switch from Peugeot to Audi like me and get the Audi Q7 inshaAllah if everything went well, personally, the mere mention of the Audi A5 (Or even better, the S5) turns me on! Hoping I would be able to afford that piece of German brilliance at some point after I start working :).

To whom it may concern...

Saturday November 10, 2007
We're halfway through with the semester already, a lot of the motivation is gone, and the fact that the grading system has been changed does not make things much better, since it is relatively easier now to get good grades with the same amount of half-arsed effort...

Tonight is the prom for our university, why on earth we have the graduation and ball four months after some of the graduates have even stepped foot in the Academy is well beyond me, but anyway, will try to make the best out of it, was not planning to go in the first place, until I learned that a good friend of mine was going as well, should have anticipated that anyway as it is her own graduation, another brain fart by me.

Still got an annoying sore throat and flu...


Sunday November 11, 2007

Woke up an hour ago, it's late in the afternoon and I still have that bad flu and painful throat, the ball was awful, it was as if it was the first time I see many of the people there, as if it was the first time I see people drinking a 'bit' too much, ended up leaving early as I had nothing better to do then frown, avoid the next drunken hug or conversation. It was weird, fake... I just hope I did not ruin it for my graduating friends and our 'gang' by being so down. Saw that coming anyway, guess I was expecting too much, and after all, last year, despite everything, was better for obvious reasons...

I seriously wish I could get away with murder now, I know exactly whom to kill now... I don't understand how that person's brain functions really, assuming it does function in the first place..., I believe in fate and karma, but what is more agonising is that no matter how many times karma has come back to bite that certain "A" in the back, they still go back and do it shamelessly...

Sigh


Tuesday November 13, 2007, early morning

Had a midterm yesterday, or as they like to call them at our Academy: 'progress tests'. I have no clue whatsoever if I did well or bad, just glad it is done. Trying to motivate myself to resume working on some projects which have been put on hold for well over a week now, one of them I had the intention to have it done and dusted by tomorrow, obviously things did not go according to plan.

The following is quite different to whatever is above, it's all about the bloody hype, not many people like trance, but the mere mention of a name like Tiesto or Paul Van Dyk is more than enough to lure thousands of people to suddenly become 'trance lovers' when they should actually describe themselves as 'hype lovers', the likes of Aly & Fila, Sean Tyas, DJ Amadeus and Richard Durand all came to town about a month ago, yet few people seemed to care or bother, although they are very well-known names in the EDM scene. And since the word scene was brought up, this city has no scene and never will, the clubs want one thing, the 'clubbers' want another, hotel operators want something totally different, what do you get at the end of the day? A city with an over-rated nightlife, just because the names are coming does not necessarily mean that there is a strong scene and following... The more time that goes by, the more I realise that sooner or later, I will prefer to stay in and listen to downloaded radio show and live sets from PROPER raves and gigs than to go out expecting something finally different...

I heart Angelli & Nelson


Friday November 16, 2007, early morning (around 6am)

OK, another day, was it eventful? Not really sure... Overslept as usual, was a bit late for a group meeting for yet another annoying project, but we had some progress nevertheless. Had a dream about me and 'her' hanging out again, might not sound a like a big deal, but: a) I rarely have dreams b) they're usually nightmares and c) I rarely remember dreams a day after having them. Felt good to be in a fake state of 'satisfaction', but it might be some sign... Anyhow, I doubt

Went to the motor show, was awesome, hot cars, pretty people and awesome cameras (yeah, how geeky), finally got to see the Audi A5, that vehicle is so bloody seductive, if I ever want to actually own it, I will have to save up big time (DUH!), that thing is likely to cost quarter a million when it is eventually released here! God knows if the S5 will be released in this region or not, but if it will be, then it might be a wiser idea to wait longer and save up more $$$! Just to be a bit realistic and not get too carried away, I am not likely to buy a new car before I have been working for a couple of years (And I haven't graduated yet to begin with!), point is, it will take a while, and so much changes and happens in a year, so let alone three or four years, tastes change, new models come out, trends change, and God knows if I will even be working then or studying (AGAIN!)... Que sera, sera...



Monday November 19, 2007 ... Very early, again...

Sleeping disorders, you either love them or loathe them, on one hand you get to sleep at the most random hours, on the other hand, you sleep when you should be awake and productive, not so healthy, but I've never been the most health conscious person to begin with.

I'm down, I should be a bit chilled and satisfied since a project's deadline has been pushed back a few days, but I'm disappointed with myself, all the talk of finishing off projects early has flown out of the window, I'm behind, but on the other hand, all the projects (Excluding one) are group projects, i.e. if the groups do not pick up some pace in the next couple of weeks, then we will be struggling a 'bit'.

On a positive note, we have a couple of new students who are into photography, one of them is a gem, we've been exchanging messages every now and then on Facebook, but we finally had a face-to-face chat, was quite good. He has a sweet, really sweet Olympus DSLR, which leads me to another point... I've been quite down lately; well, more moody than 'permanently down'... Getting the urge to go shooting again, but I really feel like splashing out on some accessories, also, I'm even contemplating the crazy idea of getting the same Olympus that a certain Florian has... Will wait till this weekend or the following weekend and make up my mind, the longer I take, the better (More saving, more money for the potential spree)... Also, if I wait long enough, the timing might be better as in a month I will be done with three courses and will be off for a few days (Christmas and Eid break)... Potential accessories? External camera flash, new lens/lenses and a more reliable tripod...

Few days left, one week actually, but I'm not bothered... All I want is... Well, who knows me will know what I REALLY, REALLY want this time around...



Friday November 23, 2007, early morning again

Another early morning post... Don't know what to write... Had something in mind but I totally forgot... Hmm, something that I wanted to ask my father about is the debt-to-equity ratio for a three star hotel in Belfast... Finance is not my thing I guess, but we have to work on a whole feasibility study for such a hotel, won't be fun... Being a so-called 'strategist' is not my thing either...

I was checking out lenses and camera accessories this past week, some nice pieces of 'glass', found a good tripod, I think I collect tripods for fun, I already have three (One useless, the other not so flexible and the third, well, it's good value for money but not good for the long run, but I'm happy with it... Lost TWO other tripods, don't ask how... just don't)...

Lingering feelings are not so good I guess...

Sunday November 25, 2007, yup, you guessed it right, early morning... 6am to be precise

I will quote myself in a SMS I sent to a classmate a while ago... That should reflect how I feel now academically at least...

"I'm fed up, this project is endless. I already have over 6,000 words and 30 pages so far. It's just too much, and I have barely started the final part of the project. I'll just BS my way through it all now, can't take this anymore, half the stuff we suddenly have to do now were not even included in the original course outline/syllabus..."

Cheer frustration... There is time, but suddenly a very relevant course has become so useless due to over-emphasis on areas that should be or should have been covered in other courses IMHO (In My Humble Opinion)

Anyhow, I will be fine, a bit of hard work never killed anyone

p.s. miss you

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007... Late at night... 2-ish AM

So, the long-awaited (NOT) big day came and went, got told off for no reason twice by a teacher, had my day ruined by that and some other silly remarks which usually I wouldn't bother about... Went back home and slept early, very early if memory serves me right...

All I wanted last year was to be with you.... All I wanted this year was to hear from you...

The waiting game is not enjoyable, I thought I was fine before, maybe a month ago... Guess I was fooling myself, back in limbo... Can't move on, can't make a move... Being idle, very idle... Had a big report to supposedly distract me, but it didn't, I didn't complete it as early as I expected or wanted, but I still finished it with almost a week to spare, was more than enough to proofread it before submitting it... Wonder what courses you're taking, what sort of annoying assignments and tests ... Time flies, it's been almost a year already... just shows how sad I can be.


Saturday, December 8th, 2007, yup, you guessed it, late, 4am...

Woke up characteristically late, typical Friday... Just when I thought I was 'back to normal', a serious discussion takes place in the SMS land that made me think, think and think... What is the point? Why cling and hold on tightly to illusions? Why do we build imaginary castles in the sky? Why do we lie and believe our own lies?

I always believed that what goes around comes around... Last week was a stunning proof of that personally with that 'mini-humiliation', I don't think I've ever been one who takes criticism lightly or even constructively sometimes, I usually tend to take it personally, especially when it's unjust and uncalled for (In my moody opinion)... I got a dose of my own medicine that I gave to you a year ago with some uncalled for and retarded comments, and it hurt, I never realised how hurtful it was for you until that point, it was shattering to be honest on different levels, not only I was blamed for something not worth the fuss, but it was very, very agonising to realise how awful I made you feel at some point... All you wanted was someone to supposedly understand you and 'be there'... I guess I wasn't, despite my attempts to convince myself that I was when it was the other way around... You were the one who cared about how I felt, got and felt happy for me when Gerrard scored, or when I heard a track I know... I don't know if I ever felt that for you, maybe I did, but my consciousness thinks otherwise... I'm full of guilt nowadays... no amount of apologising will make up for it I guess, but I still so bloody miss you and want to be with you... I finally got to hear the vocal "Inner Sense", a year after you did, doesn't sound like the 'non-vocal' mix, but still, pretty nice lyrics... Been also a year since Spider became part of the family (By force), was on December 5 th that he looked like a sick rat more than a 2-month old kitten... I'm glad that my folks got used to him being around and care for him and everything... He's such a spoiled cat, but he's adorable, there was a point after we stopped talking that I wanted to not see him again and avoided him because every time I looked at him I visualised you holding him, I even asked Sawsan if I should get rid of him... I'm glad I didn't, she wouldn't have let me do that anyway, shows how much he's liked, he's still lame, still runs around like a headless chicken (But got lazier lately and heavier), but he's as healthy and cute as ever! (Like you perhaps...) I hope you got your own cat and called him or her za3tar or bateekh or mishmash...

A random question just crossed my mind... Do you even remember me?! Even if negatively? :(

Sunday December 9th, 2007, 2am...

OK, another late night emo rant... Less than 10 days left, one group presentation due in 13 or so hours... I like to think that I worked my backside off for this one, but it might mean nothing if we don't explain our ideas and strategist 'recommendations' well... I trust my team, maybe blindly trusting them now when I was about to throw the towel, but I should've just gave in to the fact that we're pretty much typical students who would rather leave everything to the last minute...

I'm bloody gutted, I ended up preparing for that by sitting somewhere that was showing a Liverpool game, was the first game that I get to see live for quite a while, and we lost, thanks to the bloody ref and our players who couldn't translate our superior possession and chances into goals.... Could get much worse in midweek if we don't beat Marseille in France (Anything but a win means an early elimination for us)...

Still looking for substance (i.e. you)... I was dropping a friend late last night to his accommodation at the AUD dorms, I bloody miss seeing that area when its buzzing when energy, people from all walks of life, all the cars, etc etc... In case you saw my car roaming there, but don't worry, I wasn't stalking you, I go to that area from time to time (Rarely during the day, I'm nocturnal after all and loving it)... I never did that (Referring to stalking) even when I had the opportunity and enough information to do so... How is M aka. R? I wonder...


Sunday December 16, 2007, 1 AM

Trying to skim through some chapters in a damage limitation effort, can't even try that... Had a weird conversation with someone... When one doesn't really like herself/himself, people avoid them... When one loves himself/herself, they're bashed... Weird state of affairs... And then someone gives you the argument that in order to be loved, you have to love yourself first... Food for thought there
Three finals in two days and a Liverpool – Man United game in the evening...

Tuesday December 18. 2007, 4:04am...

So, had the last final yesterday, suddenly all plans are all over the place since there is no pressure to 'rush' things, and before we know it the break will be over.... Will do something stupid now

Does it make a bloody difference?

sub·jec·tive
play_w("S0841800")
(s b-j k t v)
adj.
1.
a. Proceeding from or taking place in a person's mind rather than the external world: a subjective decision.
b. Particular to a given person; personal: subjective experience.
2. Moodily introspective.
3. Existing only in the mind; illusory.
4. Psychology Existing only within the experiencer's mind.

What is success? What is good? What makes something beautiful?
It’s all so damn subjective, doesn’t everyone think at some point, does it even matter if they think of a certain thing or person of being ____ (insert adjective here), everyone lives in a state of subjective prejudice (Well, maybe not everyone, but we all have that to a certain extent)…

What means a lot to me might be totally irrelevant and worthless to the majority of people out there… C’est la vie…

Couple of things

Well, just a few university related 'stuff'

OK, so the hardest course of last semester ended in a similar fashion to the others, good course work, not so good final exam, I did not study at all during the course of the semester, but I did fairly OK in projects and such. What's so special about that so-called 'hard course'? It was the most useful out of the six courses that we had, and it had the most challenging project we have had thus far. We basically did a research proposal, but without actually conducting the research (Imagine creating a poll, preparing everything, such as ways to analyze your findings and all, but without actually giving the poll out to participants and getting actual feedback). Apparently I did a good job on that project, so good that the lecturer is considering using it as an example for this year's students that are doing it, not bad, eh? On another note, I was stupid enough to actually tell the lecturer of that course a few days before the dreaded final that I haven't studied the theoretical part at all, you should have seen the look on her face when she heard that!

Another thing, they liked one of the photographs I took of the university's new building, they liked it so much that they actually used it on the cover page of our first ever newsletter! That was an honour in all honesty, especially since that the particular shot was kind of out of focus and the fact that I took it only a month or so after getting my new SLR, i.e. when I was still rather clueless! To make it even better, we had a 'professional' photographer come to university and take pictures for the new website (Check it out, emiratesacademy.edu), they used several of his shots inside the newsletter, but mine was on the cover page, kind of says that one doesn't have a professional set-up, lights, assistants, 'posers' i.e. models to make shots good... I showed them some more recent pictures I took of the university, I hope they will be used in the new edition :)

And, one last thing (Reminds me to recommend a track by the Signalrunners called "One Last Look"), the whole grading system has undergone a complete review by the new dean, and now we FINALLY have a decent and fair grading scheme. What is even better is that it has been applied for previous years as well, which has made my GPA 0.01 higher than my sister's GPA when she graduated from AUD, it's quite marginal, but I aim to keep it there or try to improve it, which is not an impossible task now, just needs some more dedication and commitment... I like to think of myself as being more 'committed' and having more intent and drive this semester than say the past two semesters, something that was totally lacking... I honestly feel that I have a LOT to prove, I have to prove myself wrong basically... Proving others wrong will follow

The more you get to know…

… The more you realize how little you actually know

On a different note, the higher your expectations are, the higher the potential of you being disappointed, thus, hope for the best and prepare for the worst

Remember September

Had to undergo another minor surgery to remove a new lump that surfaced in a similar location to the one I had a few months back… Finally found the proper medical name for it, which is an “abscess”. Was given local anesthesia AND sedation (Thankfully), which made it a breeze as I slept throughout the whole thing.... Back home now resting with a similar big bandage wrapped around my left arm. Hoping it will be the last one, but one can’t be sure, especially since I have no clue whatsoever what its causes are, and the professionals don’t know either as there are several potential causes (Sweat, heredity, skin type, diet and/or many others)

When I arrived, the nurses gave me a briefing of how things will go, took a blood test, etc, the normal stuff you’d expect to have before a surgery. But at one point, I checked the file they had and noticed the date, September 11, 2007… I have been losing track of the time and the date rather easily these days, so, what do people usually remember this particular date for?

- The whole world (Well, almost) recalls the tragic attacks of 2001
- In our small family, it’s the 26th anniversary of our lovely parents, bless them! :)
- Personally, well, it is a good memory, a really good memory. Do you remember September?

p.s. Boom Jinx “Remember September” [Original mix] (Anjuna Deep)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPKsePQFJU4

Back to the humidity…

Will start this on a sad note… May the soul of H’s father rest in peace… Was shattering to hear the news on Friday morning… My deepest condolences... Il ba2eye bi 7ayatek H :(, I hope you will continue to be strong, as you’ve always been dear…


I slacked again and haven’t bothered to update this blog of mine for a while… Although I do post something every now and then on the other one, it’s relatively easier to find something to put up there, it’s copied (And formatted) lyrics…

So, I am going blank again… Ironic that you always think you have stuff to write about, yet, when you start typing away everything disappears… Frustrating at times! Will get inspiration as soon as a random thought pops up in my head..

I finally got the Powershot G7 camera, so far so good, pictures are ‘noisy’ sometimes and I initially struggled while taking night shots, but eventually it turned out fine, still, not as good as the 400D, but it does the job… And oh, just to prove the fatuous guys at the Duty Free in Jordan wrong, I hope I will take the bill when we go there again (the difference was over $100). Yeah, so mean and narrow-minded you can say, but I always jump at the opportunity to prove something wrong (Even myself).

That “go again part” was quite vague me thinks, one of those moments when we rattle on about something, assuming it is a well-known and well-documented worldwide fact, when the reality is not many (Or none at all) have any bloody idea what we’re on about! So to enlighten the masses: I’m going to mansafland (i.e. Jordan, also known as el Gordon) towards the end of this month AGAIN. My family were already planning to go and booked everything, when I came back from that ‘raving’ trip, I changed my mind about staying in Dubai, another reason is the fact that I couldn’t find a ‘proper’ summer or part-time job. Surprisingly folks were glad I changed my mind… But there was one really, really important issue… SPIDER aka. KATKOOT! Where to put the poor little mixed Persian thing? {Although I’d rather consider him a pure Persian when he is NOT!)… We eventually decided to put him at a “pet chalet” somewhere in Dubai, never knew such a place existed here till we got him in December as a tiny and scared two-month old kitten… I still remember how worried I got the first time he sneaked out of the house… He always tried, but to no avail, but that night it was a gloomy and dark one, and it was even raining (Pouring cats and dogs as some say ;)), was out at football practice (Which I miss nowadays since we stopped it ages ago) to be told when I got back home that he has been out for over two hours…The fear of losing him was immense… I never thought one could build any sort of emotional bond with an animal, how wrong I was… After some more searching around the compound, the silly “Spider” turned out to be lost in the garden next door, seemed equally delighted to be ‘found’… Dam, that was a LOT of stuff to write up about a kitten, but he’s adorable nevertheless…

Electronic-music wise, last four weeks have been lovely… New tunes, new sets, nice gigs (Bart Claessen in particular)… Paul Van Dyke’s new album should be out soon, and the dude from Berlin himself is due to play in Bahrain in November (Road trip anyone?)… Above & Beyond are not coming in September anymore (Maybe I mentioned that before, not arsed to check), but hey, Ferry Corsten is coming in mid-September… Cosmic Gate supposedly signed and confirmed, but neither their website, nor anywhere else… All I hear is that they’re due to come before Ramadan (Which also starts in Mid-September)…I will miss their gig in Amman though, it’s happening four days before I land there… Won’t get to hear Nic play his own “What You Need” live *sigh*

Now, I wish I could write more… But, I can’t… Finished it on a totally different note to how it started: With psychological blankness… So much to say now... Things I ponder whether they should be concealed or revealed...

Till the next time...
*hug to all*