Dark thought (Somewhat realistic)

Not sure if this should count as a dark gloomy thought or a sign of maturing and moving forward. Never was the best in judgment really, so I will just follow my hunch as time goes by…

I was thinking about how my life has been going thus far, and thinking about my interactions with people and my so-called friendships with people (Can’t really include relationships because there haven’t really been any despite my delusion). From all those, the one thing that is common across the board in many of them is the fact that none lasted for long. A lot of normal people (Yes, I tend to consider myself as an eccentric outcast) would have someone or some people that they can confidently refer to as their ‘best friend(s) since childhood/elementary school/university/military service/first job or whatever. I used to wonder why I never had anyone that I could refer to as that, and I eventually got to the blatant conclusion that it’s due to my moodiness, and because of my ever-changing and perhaps evolving personality that I keep on moving on from certain phases of my life to the next rather quickly, without fully living or experiencing the previous periods. Another thing is that I might tire from people when things get rather customary and predictable. I don’t know really, familiarity breeds contempt perhaps? Maybe I am the one who naturally drives people away with time.

OK, let me get to the point, the above has made me reach a conclusion that it is not very likely that I will get to have lifelong ‘best friends’ or even get married. Not that the world is missing out on anything really, just another lunatic whom decided to spare you for his endless crap & nonsense

Long live reclusiveness

...

"It's not in my hands who I feel for"

I swear I'm not the devil...

"And he said…
I swear I’m not the devil…
Though you think I am…
I swear I’m not the devil…

I always fail to see…
The little things in front of me…
The things that mean so much to you…
A way to let you know…
That I appreciate…
The way you always tolerate…
But sometimes when I medicate…
Frustration in you…
Shows me how you feel…"

Does it make a bloody difference?

sub·jec·tive
play_w("S0841800")
(s b-j k t v)
adj.
1.
a. Proceeding from or taking place in a person's mind rather than the external world: a subjective decision.
b. Particular to a given person; personal: subjective experience.
2. Moodily introspective.
3. Existing only in the mind; illusory.
4. Psychology Existing only within the experiencer's mind.

What is success? What is good? What makes something beautiful?
It’s all so damn subjective, doesn’t everyone think at some point, does it even matter if they think of a certain thing or person of being ____ (insert adjective here), everyone lives in a state of subjective prejudice (Well, maybe not everyone, but we all have that to a certain extent)…

What means a lot to me might be totally irrelevant and worthless to the majority of people out there… C’est la vie…