It pains me...

... to see that things have gone down this route... Whatever hope I had was slashed to meaningless fake optimism, back to the naive state of mind that I can't seem to get rid of, or at least manage to balance against the realities of this world...

I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...

I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...

I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)

I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...

Good luck... It's scarce...

Double standards

I’m a major victim of applying double-standards in my life... Double standards, prejudice, moodiness and materialism to a certain extent... Some negative traits this generation is infamous for I reckon... Not accepting the fact that other people do tend to treat me using the “double-standards” technique while expecting the opposite to be normal is a bloody double standard indeed...

At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...

I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are

Shame... Shame...

...

Blank... But the only two words that come to mind at this very moment are:
Utterly disappointed...

"Home"

...

Do I follow different moral standards to the rest of the planet? I know for a matter of fact that my common sense is fvked up, or nonexistent at times, but still...

Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...

As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...

Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way

bla bla bla

For the ones who give (Or eat) a carrot, this was typed a couple of days ago while collecting questionnaires… Didn’t have the time after that to post it, yesterday was extremely hectic, and today is hectic as well, catching my breath before yet another job interview…

Movers booked for the 2nd of June, not bad, glad that we’re not taking much of the old furniture along with us, only the relatively new electronics as far as I know (No, my 2 or 3 year old PC is not old, I insist on taking it, it can be really reliable when the laptop disappoints).

Collecting more surveys at the moment, tedious process, can’t wait till this questionnaire collection process is all but over in a few days (Hopefully), should be done with this by next week, the whole thesis is due in a month’s time, yippee. I thought I was behind when compared to others, seems I’m more or less at a similar stage as most, apart from the geniuses who are better than time management than me I guess. I can’t believe I barely did anything in April, would’ve saved me a lot of time (And thinking) I reckon, but hey, working hard (Or in this particular case, trying) never killed anyone… I don’t mind the free dinners along the way while collecting surveys, although I’ve been characteristically hesitant to abuse the privilege.

Job hunting too, interviews, presentations, recommendations, suggestions, career advices and so on, that’s what has also been going on in the past few days (Since last Thursday to be precise), got several more to come, the one I am looking forward to the most though at the moment is one that is for a enviable spot on a career development program by one of the industry trend setters here in Dubai (And soon globally), it is aiming to recruit some Arabic speaking people in the region… I hope I am not jinxing my already not so glorious chances by talking (Well, typing) about it, but I’ve been waiting for this opportunity to come around again. Missed out the last time since I wasn’t really inspired to participate or even bothered to try my luck against some of the finest talents that applied from all over the world, as I kind of realised that I would be punching way above my weight, and I was not quite convinced yet back then about the whole program (Nor was I keen on working in the industry) , but now that one of my classmates has deservedly been picked, and hearing first hand about his experience thus far, it’s quite tempting… I can go on for hours about the pay in the industry, but to be fair, of my limited knowledge and experience, it is this industry that I have the slightest clue about, easy money made in other jobs goes as fast as it comes perhaps (I emphasize on ‘job’ rather than career)… Got to think of some so-called nonexistent “qualities and exceptional attributes” that might get me picked ahead of the Jassims Mansoors of this world. Jolly.

Life is quite ironic… What makes such paradoxes easier to take is that what goes around comes around eventually, quoting Aaron Lewis of Staind “Everything must come full circle”…

...

Knackered and I barely started! Oh boy, I’m going to be in for the shock of my life when I start actual work!