To whom it may concern...

Saturday November 10, 2007
We're halfway through with the semester already, a lot of the motivation is gone, and the fact that the grading system has been changed does not make things much better, since it is relatively easier now to get good grades with the same amount of half-arsed effort...

Tonight is the prom for our university, why on earth we have the graduation and ball four months after some of the graduates have even stepped foot in the Academy is well beyond me, but anyway, will try to make the best out of it, was not planning to go in the first place, until I learned that a good friend of mine was going as well, should have anticipated that anyway as it is her own graduation, another brain fart by me.

Still got an annoying sore throat and flu...


Sunday November 11, 2007

Woke up an hour ago, it's late in the afternoon and I still have that bad flu and painful throat, the ball was awful, it was as if it was the first time I see many of the people there, as if it was the first time I see people drinking a 'bit' too much, ended up leaving early as I had nothing better to do then frown, avoid the next drunken hug or conversation. It was weird, fake... I just hope I did not ruin it for my graduating friends and our 'gang' by being so down. Saw that coming anyway, guess I was expecting too much, and after all, last year, despite everything, was better for obvious reasons...

I seriously wish I could get away with murder now, I know exactly whom to kill now... I don't understand how that person's brain functions really, assuming it does function in the first place..., I believe in fate and karma, but what is more agonising is that no matter how many times karma has come back to bite that certain "A" in the back, they still go back and do it shamelessly...

Sigh


Tuesday November 13, 2007, early morning

Had a midterm yesterday, or as they like to call them at our Academy: 'progress tests'. I have no clue whatsoever if I did well or bad, just glad it is done. Trying to motivate myself to resume working on some projects which have been put on hold for well over a week now, one of them I had the intention to have it done and dusted by tomorrow, obviously things did not go according to plan.

The following is quite different to whatever is above, it's all about the bloody hype, not many people like trance, but the mere mention of a name like Tiesto or Paul Van Dyk is more than enough to lure thousands of people to suddenly become 'trance lovers' when they should actually describe themselves as 'hype lovers', the likes of Aly & Fila, Sean Tyas, DJ Amadeus and Richard Durand all came to town about a month ago, yet few people seemed to care or bother, although they are very well-known names in the EDM scene. And since the word scene was brought up, this city has no scene and never will, the clubs want one thing, the 'clubbers' want another, hotel operators want something totally different, what do you get at the end of the day? A city with an over-rated nightlife, just because the names are coming does not necessarily mean that there is a strong scene and following... The more time that goes by, the more I realise that sooner or later, I will prefer to stay in and listen to downloaded radio show and live sets from PROPER raves and gigs than to go out expecting something finally different...

I heart Angelli & Nelson


Friday November 16, 2007, early morning (around 6am)

OK, another day, was it eventful? Not really sure... Overslept as usual, was a bit late for a group meeting for yet another annoying project, but we had some progress nevertheless. Had a dream about me and 'her' hanging out again, might not sound a like a big deal, but: a) I rarely have dreams b) they're usually nightmares and c) I rarely remember dreams a day after having them. Felt good to be in a fake state of 'satisfaction', but it might be some sign... Anyhow, I doubt

Went to the motor show, was awesome, hot cars, pretty people and awesome cameras (yeah, how geeky), finally got to see the Audi A5, that vehicle is so bloody seductive, if I ever want to actually own it, I will have to save up big time (DUH!), that thing is likely to cost quarter a million when it is eventually released here! God knows if the S5 will be released in this region or not, but if it will be, then it might be a wiser idea to wait longer and save up more $$$! Just to be a bit realistic and not get too carried away, I am not likely to buy a new car before I have been working for a couple of years (And I haven't graduated yet to begin with!), point is, it will take a while, and so much changes and happens in a year, so let alone three or four years, tastes change, new models come out, trends change, and God knows if I will even be working then or studying (AGAIN!)... Que sera, sera...



Monday November 19, 2007 ... Very early, again...

Sleeping disorders, you either love them or loathe them, on one hand you get to sleep at the most random hours, on the other hand, you sleep when you should be awake and productive, not so healthy, but I've never been the most health conscious person to begin with.

I'm down, I should be a bit chilled and satisfied since a project's deadline has been pushed back a few days, but I'm disappointed with myself, all the talk of finishing off projects early has flown out of the window, I'm behind, but on the other hand, all the projects (Excluding one) are group projects, i.e. if the groups do not pick up some pace in the next couple of weeks, then we will be struggling a 'bit'.

On a positive note, we have a couple of new students who are into photography, one of them is a gem, we've been exchanging messages every now and then on Facebook, but we finally had a face-to-face chat, was quite good. He has a sweet, really sweet Olympus DSLR, which leads me to another point... I've been quite down lately; well, more moody than 'permanently down'... Getting the urge to go shooting again, but I really feel like splashing out on some accessories, also, I'm even contemplating the crazy idea of getting the same Olympus that a certain Florian has... Will wait till this weekend or the following weekend and make up my mind, the longer I take, the better (More saving, more money for the potential spree)... Also, if I wait long enough, the timing might be better as in a month I will be done with three courses and will be off for a few days (Christmas and Eid break)... Potential accessories? External camera flash, new lens/lenses and a more reliable tripod...

Few days left, one week actually, but I'm not bothered... All I want is... Well, who knows me will know what I REALLY, REALLY want this time around...



Friday November 23, 2007, early morning again

Another early morning post... Don't know what to write... Had something in mind but I totally forgot... Hmm, something that I wanted to ask my father about is the debt-to-equity ratio for a three star hotel in Belfast... Finance is not my thing I guess, but we have to work on a whole feasibility study for such a hotel, won't be fun... Being a so-called 'strategist' is not my thing either...

I was checking out lenses and camera accessories this past week, some nice pieces of 'glass', found a good tripod, I think I collect tripods for fun, I already have three (One useless, the other not so flexible and the third, well, it's good value for money but not good for the long run, but I'm happy with it... Lost TWO other tripods, don't ask how... just don't)...

Lingering feelings are not so good I guess...

Sunday November 25, 2007, yup, you guessed it right, early morning... 6am to be precise

I will quote myself in a SMS I sent to a classmate a while ago... That should reflect how I feel now academically at least...

"I'm fed up, this project is endless. I already have over 6,000 words and 30 pages so far. It's just too much, and I have barely started the final part of the project. I'll just BS my way through it all now, can't take this anymore, half the stuff we suddenly have to do now were not even included in the original course outline/syllabus..."

Cheer frustration... There is time, but suddenly a very relevant course has become so useless due to over-emphasis on areas that should be or should have been covered in other courses IMHO (In My Humble Opinion)

Anyhow, I will be fine, a bit of hard work never killed anyone

p.s. miss you

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007... Late at night... 2-ish AM

So, the long-awaited (NOT) big day came and went, got told off for no reason twice by a teacher, had my day ruined by that and some other silly remarks which usually I wouldn't bother about... Went back home and slept early, very early if memory serves me right...

All I wanted last year was to be with you.... All I wanted this year was to hear from you...

The waiting game is not enjoyable, I thought I was fine before, maybe a month ago... Guess I was fooling myself, back in limbo... Can't move on, can't make a move... Being idle, very idle... Had a big report to supposedly distract me, but it didn't, I didn't complete it as early as I expected or wanted, but I still finished it with almost a week to spare, was more than enough to proofread it before submitting it... Wonder what courses you're taking, what sort of annoying assignments and tests ... Time flies, it's been almost a year already... just shows how sad I can be.


Saturday, December 8th, 2007, yup, you guessed it, late, 4am...

Woke up characteristically late, typical Friday... Just when I thought I was 'back to normal', a serious discussion takes place in the SMS land that made me think, think and think... What is the point? Why cling and hold on tightly to illusions? Why do we build imaginary castles in the sky? Why do we lie and believe our own lies?

I always believed that what goes around comes around... Last week was a stunning proof of that personally with that 'mini-humiliation', I don't think I've ever been one who takes criticism lightly or even constructively sometimes, I usually tend to take it personally, especially when it's unjust and uncalled for (In my moody opinion)... I got a dose of my own medicine that I gave to you a year ago with some uncalled for and retarded comments, and it hurt, I never realised how hurtful it was for you until that point, it was shattering to be honest on different levels, not only I was blamed for something not worth the fuss, but it was very, very agonising to realise how awful I made you feel at some point... All you wanted was someone to supposedly understand you and 'be there'... I guess I wasn't, despite my attempts to convince myself that I was when it was the other way around... You were the one who cared about how I felt, got and felt happy for me when Gerrard scored, or when I heard a track I know... I don't know if I ever felt that for you, maybe I did, but my consciousness thinks otherwise... I'm full of guilt nowadays... no amount of apologising will make up for it I guess, but I still so bloody miss you and want to be with you... I finally got to hear the vocal "Inner Sense", a year after you did, doesn't sound like the 'non-vocal' mix, but still, pretty nice lyrics... Been also a year since Spider became part of the family (By force), was on December 5 th that he looked like a sick rat more than a 2-month old kitten... I'm glad that my folks got used to him being around and care for him and everything... He's such a spoiled cat, but he's adorable, there was a point after we stopped talking that I wanted to not see him again and avoided him because every time I looked at him I visualised you holding him, I even asked Sawsan if I should get rid of him... I'm glad I didn't, she wouldn't have let me do that anyway, shows how much he's liked, he's still lame, still runs around like a headless chicken (But got lazier lately and heavier), but he's as healthy and cute as ever! (Like you perhaps...) I hope you got your own cat and called him or her za3tar or bateekh or mishmash...

A random question just crossed my mind... Do you even remember me?! Even if negatively? :(

Sunday December 9th, 2007, 2am...

OK, another late night emo rant... Less than 10 days left, one group presentation due in 13 or so hours... I like to think that I worked my backside off for this one, but it might mean nothing if we don't explain our ideas and strategist 'recommendations' well... I trust my team, maybe blindly trusting them now when I was about to throw the towel, but I should've just gave in to the fact that we're pretty much typical students who would rather leave everything to the last minute...

I'm bloody gutted, I ended up preparing for that by sitting somewhere that was showing a Liverpool game, was the first game that I get to see live for quite a while, and we lost, thanks to the bloody ref and our players who couldn't translate our superior possession and chances into goals.... Could get much worse in midweek if we don't beat Marseille in France (Anything but a win means an early elimination for us)...

Still looking for substance (i.e. you)... I was dropping a friend late last night to his accommodation at the AUD dorms, I bloody miss seeing that area when its buzzing when energy, people from all walks of life, all the cars, etc etc... In case you saw my car roaming there, but don't worry, I wasn't stalking you, I go to that area from time to time (Rarely during the day, I'm nocturnal after all and loving it)... I never did that (Referring to stalking) even when I had the opportunity and enough information to do so... How is M aka. R? I wonder...


Sunday December 16, 2007, 1 AM

Trying to skim through some chapters in a damage limitation effort, can't even try that... Had a weird conversation with someone... When one doesn't really like herself/himself, people avoid them... When one loves himself/herself, they're bashed... Weird state of affairs... And then someone gives you the argument that in order to be loved, you have to love yourself first... Food for thought there
Three finals in two days and a Liverpool – Man United game in the evening...

Tuesday December 18. 2007, 4:04am...

So, had the last final yesterday, suddenly all plans are all over the place since there is no pressure to 'rush' things, and before we know it the break will be over.... Will do something stupid now