So for the 2nd week in a row I spend Thursday night (and pretty much the whole of Friday morning) in bed with a heavy head and a physically, mentally and emotionally drained body. My recent (slight) change in lifestyle should have changed things and made me a bit more laid back and mellow, but based on this, it seems it has done the complete opposite. Maybe I’m just making a big fuss out of nothing and this is normal. At least it is not affecting anything, and it is just proving the fact that I’d rather spend more time at home rather than head out and ‘socialize’ (How ‘social’ can one get in such a relatively small town?).
Every day of my life now I realize how valuable the commodity of time is and how crucial it is to manage and control it well, which is not an exactly straight forward task for someone who grew up being forced to do things and be put on the right track (The right track being set by others, of course. Oh the beauty of being a push over). At least then I had my ambition restricted by what those around me dictated, namely because I simply had little or no signs of it (ambition) and because I spent a large portion of my teenage/early adult life being told what to do in a field/industry I had mild passion for. The move to doing something I actually enjoy and having time and resources to actually do and initiate projects I fancy at work and in my personal life has been a bit tricky, but heck, it’s always fun to learn and to cope. If the previous chapters have taught me anything, it’s probably that the more one struggles with something, the more they learn on the long run.
Some of the personal (fun) projects I’ve initiated:
- Starting to play more video games
- Bashing my personal laptop unintentionally
- Avoiding the world, somehow
- Starting a freelance photography business. Google/FB/Tweet “Omography”, a less serious initiative is “Om The Road”, which can only be found on FB now.
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Friday, January 14, 2011
Monday, March 22, 2010
Right now
I’m knackered and half asleep as I lie on my bed with one eyelid open that is struggling to focus on the screen (I’m long-sighted, you know, or whatever the proper medical term for that is). For some reason I’m compelling myself to half-arsedly type this up
So, it seems that everything in my life is nicely falling into place, all but one thing. It’s fascinating how God tests our patience and our willingness to move forward in life. I’m rapidly jumping to a conclusion that I fathomed and digested a couple of years ago before I indifferently decided to chuck it outside the window and just start having a new outlook based on a nonexistent recipe.
That simple (defunct) recipe/perspective used 2 years ago stipulated the basics: Easy come easy go, and whatever you don’t strive and work hard for just loses its allure, value and meaning.
Maybe there is no test here. Maybe it is just a part of my life that I should learn to live with rather than try and alter. Maybe I’m destined to be a ‘giver’ in this life rather than a taker (Well, to a certain extent). Maybe it’s better to be misunderstood than to be exploited and vulnerable once found out. Open books are not as fascinating as dark, twisted and deceitful novels that twitch every existing cell in that brain of yours.
M&M- Thanks =)
So, it seems that everything in my life is nicely falling into place, all but one thing. It’s fascinating how God tests our patience and our willingness to move forward in life. I’m rapidly jumping to a conclusion that I fathomed and digested a couple of years ago before I indifferently decided to chuck it outside the window and just start having a new outlook based on a nonexistent recipe.
That simple (defunct) recipe/perspective used 2 years ago stipulated the basics: Easy come easy go, and whatever you don’t strive and work hard for just loses its allure, value and meaning.
Maybe there is no test here. Maybe it is just a part of my life that I should learn to live with rather than try and alter. Maybe I’m destined to be a ‘giver’ in this life rather than a taker (Well, to a certain extent). Maybe it’s better to be misunderstood than to be exploited and vulnerable once found out. Open books are not as fascinating as dark, twisted and deceitful novels that twitch every existing cell in that brain of yours.
M&M- Thanks =)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Back to the effin' drawing board
I think I should get into the drawing board business; I keep on going back to that more often than not
Rather lame attempt at cracking a joke I reckon, not the funniest soul out there.
I seriously need to change, and it has to come from within… You blew it, but I don’t blame you really... Or maybe it’s the uncertainty that’s frightening you.
Oh well...
Rather lame attempt at cracking a joke I reckon, not the funniest soul out there.
I seriously need to change, and it has to come from within… You blew it, but I don’t blame you really... Or maybe it’s the uncertainty that’s frightening you.
Oh well...
Monday, June 08, 2009
Familiarity…
Familiarity…
Inspired by a ‘sista’ from another mother, SA…
Familiarity breeds contempt… I don’t know what brought that expression to mind, but it’s been lingering in my head for the past few days, it basically opens up my naïve, oblivious and undiscerning eyes to a small, yet crucial aspect of human interactions…
I shall vow to keep my distance and not get close to anyone, regardless of the gender or nature of the relationship (Working/professional, mere acquaintance or even a potential partner). That is unless it is willingly sought after by both parties (Obviously does not have to be written in stone, it may be on a subconscious level)
When you veer away from getting too engaged and involved with something and/or someone, you somehow ensure some peace of mind, it allows you to retain some ability to observe see, analyze and judge things as an outsider, because you are not fully-engrossed with whichever thing it may be, it removes the personal bias and similarly it preserves some neutrality to a certain extent… I hold no regrets, I might come across as a remorseful person sometimes, but at the end of the day, everything happens for a reason and it is all God’s will, as we Muslims say "قدر الله و ما شاء فعل"...... We learn from life, perhaps it’s good to mess up every once in a while, it’s a learning curve of life, part and parcel of ‘growing up’…
One further snippet of random thoughts- It is ironic that beneath fancy façade of each and every one of us hides a character that is far, far from perfect… Sadly some hide their respective blemishes rather well and draw everyone around them to their nonexistent traits… Would rather refer to as the Souness Nobody’s vs. Everybody’s Fool Syndrome…
What a pity… Many people definitely know how to talk the talk, too bad you’re massively lacking on the walk the walk department (Worse enough, arguing about being more than capable walking the walk when sparing us your and hollow words and lies certainly does you more good than harm)… There’s a smart tactic called ‘damage limitation’, it does not only exist in wars and battles, extends to way beyond that…
Couple or so people very, very worthy of a salutation:
S- I don’t care if I don’t interact with you for ‘eons’ so to speak, I/we don’t need to… It’s the type of unique thing where you don’t have to go through the typical formalities of staying in touch and all that crap that is so cliché … X
D- Well, you’re adorable in every single ‘snacking’ way =)
M- I wish ‘they’ could see you the way I see you...
G- I wish you would get off that edge and come back to your senses sooner rather than later… Hope it’s not too late, because you’re losing your real friends to gain some plastic friends… Trust me fella, it will be a very painful fall from grace when you fall down from that throne that you happen to be sitting on so high up there in the clouds…
L- Miss you!
I- Such a shame… Expected way more, too bad the fake façade is overwhelmingly convincing in your case
Inspired by a ‘sista’ from another mother, SA…
Familiarity breeds contempt… I don’t know what brought that expression to mind, but it’s been lingering in my head for the past few days, it basically opens up my naïve, oblivious and undiscerning eyes to a small, yet crucial aspect of human interactions…
I shall vow to keep my distance and not get close to anyone, regardless of the gender or nature of the relationship (Working/professional, mere acquaintance or even a potential partner). That is unless it is willingly sought after by both parties (Obviously does not have to be written in stone, it may be on a subconscious level)
When you veer away from getting too engaged and involved with something and/or someone, you somehow ensure some peace of mind, it allows you to retain some ability to observe see, analyze and judge things as an outsider, because you are not fully-engrossed with whichever thing it may be, it removes the personal bias and similarly it preserves some neutrality to a certain extent… I hold no regrets, I might come across as a remorseful person sometimes, but at the end of the day, everything happens for a reason and it is all God’s will, as we Muslims say "قدر الله و ما شاء فعل"...... We learn from life, perhaps it’s good to mess up every once in a while, it’s a learning curve of life, part and parcel of ‘growing up’…
One further snippet of random thoughts- It is ironic that beneath fancy façade of each and every one of us hides a character that is far, far from perfect… Sadly some hide their respective blemishes rather well and draw everyone around them to their nonexistent traits… Would rather refer to as the Souness Nobody’s vs. Everybody’s Fool Syndrome…
What a pity… Many people definitely know how to talk the talk, too bad you’re massively lacking on the walk the walk department (Worse enough, arguing about being more than capable walking the walk when sparing us your and hollow words and lies certainly does you more good than harm)… There’s a smart tactic called ‘damage limitation’, it does not only exist in wars and battles, extends to way beyond that…
Couple or so people very, very worthy of a salutation:
S- I don’t care if I don’t interact with you for ‘eons’ so to speak, I/we don’t need to… It’s the type of unique thing where you don’t have to go through the typical formalities of staying in touch and all that crap that is so cliché … X
D- Well, you’re adorable in every single ‘snacking’ way =)
M- I wish ‘they’ could see you the way I see you...
G- I wish you would get off that edge and come back to your senses sooner rather than later… Hope it’s not too late, because you’re losing your real friends to gain some plastic friends… Trust me fella, it will be a very painful fall from grace when you fall down from that throne that you happen to be sitting on so high up there in the clouds…
L- Miss you!
I- Such a shame… Expected way more, too bad the fake façade is overwhelmingly convincing in your case
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Ina Lillah...
When you think you have problems, think twice
When you tend to wonder what has gone wrong in your life, think twice
When you’ve just spent days whinging about immaterial and trivial matters and then something of that magnitude comes and delivers that long due slap in your sorry face, you realize that perhaps it’s not as bad as you might have thought…
You assume that things should take a certain pattern in life, in some magical due course, when they don’t take that course for a certain person, the first thing that comes to ‘mind’ in our short-sighted, critical and naïve thoughts is “what went wrong?”… Well, here is the deal for you and me, things do not necessarily “go wrong”, you might be the best thing since fucking sliced bread, but there is a small, tiny fact of life that is known as fate.
Someone passed away in our extended family earlier today, youngest amongst their siblings, out of the blue, had no symptoms whatsoever on the few occasions we met, but death knows has no age criteria, it has no prerequisites, it just happens… He might be in a better place now… I hardly really knew him, but that is irrelevant I reckon… Life and fate’s twists and turns…
When you tend to wonder what has gone wrong in your life, think twice
When you’ve just spent days whinging about immaterial and trivial matters and then something of that magnitude comes and delivers that long due slap in your sorry face, you realize that perhaps it’s not as bad as you might have thought…
You assume that things should take a certain pattern in life, in some magical due course, when they don’t take that course for a certain person, the first thing that comes to ‘mind’ in our short-sighted, critical and naïve thoughts is “what went wrong?”… Well, here is the deal for you and me, things do not necessarily “go wrong”, you might be the best thing since fucking sliced bread, but there is a small, tiny fact of life that is known as fate.
Someone passed away in our extended family earlier today, youngest amongst their siblings, out of the blue, had no symptoms whatsoever on the few occasions we met, but death knows has no age criteria, it has no prerequisites, it just happens… He might be in a better place now… I hardly really knew him, but that is irrelevant I reckon… Life and fate’s twists and turns…
Friday, July 11, 2008
It pains me...
... to see that things have gone down this route... Whatever hope I had was slashed to meaningless fake optimism, back to the naive state of mind that I can't seem to get rid of, or at least manage to balance against the realities of this world...
I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...
I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...
I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)
I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...
Good luck... It's scarce...
I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...
I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...
I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)
I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...
Good luck... It's scarce...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Double standards
I’m a major victim of applying double-standards in my life... Double standards, prejudice, moodiness and materialism to a certain extent... Some negative traits this generation is infamous for I reckon... Not accepting the fact that other people do tend to treat me using the “double-standards” technique while expecting the opposite to be normal is a bloody double standard indeed...
At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...
I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are
Shame... Shame...
At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...
I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are
Shame... Shame...
Saturday, June 07, 2008
...
Do I follow different moral standards to the rest of the planet? I know for a matter of fact that my common sense is fvked up, or nonexistent at times, but still...
Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...
As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...
Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way
Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...
As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...
Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way
Sunday, May 18, 2008
...
Knackered and I barely started! Oh boy, I’m going to be in for the shock of my life when I start actual work!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
My half-arsed attempt at a rant
The following things suck:
Politics, anything from presidential elections to the lack of any global condemnation of the so-called self-defence carried out against children and women in Gaza
George Gillett and Tom Hicks, and their “dreamland” dreams and stubbornness, how many drinks do we have to spill on Tom’s son? How many chants, banners and God knows what else do we have to come up with to make you dumb asses realise that you are not welcome at Anfield? Get the hell out ffs
Traffic, yes, it does suck, and no, the metro won’t solve this city’s traffic issues
The weather, seriously, how many times can one possibly get the flu in one winter season?! Let alone a whole year.
Relationships: note to self- there is no perfect match or a match made in heaven. Get over it, if you’re not willing to make sacrifices and if you still think that real love exists, then maybe you should get your head fixed.
Friendships, sigh
Dubai ‘raves’, they aren’t actual raves, how often do you go to an actual rave and see people in neat dresses and suits?
Tech-trance is shit compared to uplifting...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Almost there
Finally this hell-ish week is almost over. Had relatives visiting (And vomiting) from Oman staying in my room, had to ‘stay’ at the university’s dorms. The iPod has retired and the car has ‘axel’ issues to be sorted out (In addition to the lovely squeaky brakes), that overrated idiot called Tiesto is playing here again, couldn’t care less about him... Why pay an over the odds amount to see him play a typical and predictable set on Valentine’s day (Out of all days). Would rather go see one of my friends spin some house (Although it’s not my ‘thing’, nothing compares to trance) but on the plus side, he’s underrated and talented (And nice, not an arrogant dickhead. Talking about trance, Armin is visiting these shores again, and the Anjunaboys (Above & Beyond) are playing in the Middle East again, this time in Beirut. Time to make up for missing out on their gig here and revive some 2007 summer memories, hopefully I will be able to make it.
On a positive note, sister has sold off her old car and getting a new one within a few days (Probably before the weekend), got my old camera and zoom lens back and was told that I’ll be able to get some additional accessories for my camera, yey! A few months away from graduation too, not bad. Will probably miss uni days, but I have a feeling it won’t be the last time, I’ll probably occupy myself at some point in my career with courses, seminars and such (As long as it’s out of someone else’s pockets of course. Greed!). Spider had that surgery, was dizzy for a day or two before getting hyper all over again, poor thing is terrified though thanks to our extremely adorable (NOT!!!!) guests.
Another thing, stopped really tracking the number of visitors to this blog and other useless trivial details related to it, lost interest, more importantly, why should I bother? As if it makes a difference anymore.
On a positive note, sister has sold off her old car and getting a new one within a few days (Probably before the weekend), got my old camera and zoom lens back and was told that I’ll be able to get some additional accessories for my camera, yey! A few months away from graduation too, not bad. Will probably miss uni days, but I have a feeling it won’t be the last time, I’ll probably occupy myself at some point in my career with courses, seminars and such (As long as it’s out of someone else’s pockets of course. Greed!). Spider had that surgery, was dizzy for a day or two before getting hyper all over again, poor thing is terrified though thanks to our extremely adorable (NOT!!!!) guests.
Another thing, stopped really tracking the number of visitors to this blog and other useless trivial details related to it, lost interest, more importantly, why should I bother? As if it makes a difference anymore.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Cynical
Maybe I do actually think a bit too much sometimes and try to overanalyze everything… Trying to read more into things, events, facts and so on might be good sometimes, but when it’s done excessively, it becomes a burden as you tend to doubt everything when thinking that “Dam, there must be more to it which might be hidden”… Sometimes one should literally calm down… Maybe some things ARE exactly like how they seem to be, believe it or not… Insecurity perhaps?
MLV’s remix of Sun Is Shining just popped into my head for no reason.
MLV’s remix of Sun Is Shining just popped into my head for no reason.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Karma...
اشوف فيكم يوم بس أنا... حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل
كما تدين تدان
Depressing that one sometimes has no choice but to deal with low-lives like you. Karma will find a fucking way to bring all the bad karma you brought to me back to you, whether I will be there to witness it is irrelevant because I know it will happen someday, somewhere... Everything happens for a reason
كما تدين تدان
Depressing that one sometimes has no choice but to deal with low-lives like you. Karma will find a fucking way to bring all the bad karma you brought to me back to you, whether I will be there to witness it is irrelevant because I know it will happen someday, somewhere... Everything happens for a reason
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