Rat race...

Good read...

The Rat Trap

The rat trap
by Mishal Kanoo on Wednesday, 26 November 2008
"From a young age we are taught that we should work. We work hard at school to get the best grades to go to university. We work harder at university to get a good job. And we work yet harder at the job to get that promotion. Finally, we work harder still to keep on getting promotions until we retire.

In the meantime, we fail to love our parents for taking care of us. We miss out on being children with time to laugh and play because we so want to be an adult.

We learn to hone our competitive edge to the degree that we forget our humanity sometimes. And as we grow older, we forget what it means to genuinely love unconditionally and the meaning of forgiveness.

Story continues below ↓
advertisement


Instead, we learn that everything is an obstacle that we must overcome or we will never reach the next stage. Look at the way electronic games are set up. It is a learned behavior. The child learns to fight and push forward but is never taught to share and include.

As a famous person once said, "you are either with me or with the enemy." This doctrine is not far from the hearts of many people. Perhaps they might not agree with the statement when it comes to politics, but I assure you, look around, and you will see it in abundance in everyday life.

We then bemoan about not having enough time to do all the things we wish we could do. We are more than ready to sacrifice our humanity for money because that is what many of us were taught to focus on. Some of us will work ten, twelve and sometimes fourteen hours a day, not because we need to, but because we have trained ourselves that this is the right way to show that we are dedicated to our work.

Of course there are people who genuinely work because there is no alternative for them to survive. But most of us look at work as a competition that we have to win.

That is the fruition of the learned behavior that we took from our childhood in school. We are graded in school, not to see what subjects we excel at, and thus should focus on - we are graded to see which of us has the ability to learn the system the fastest and thus ensure a better chance of survival in the work environment.

We are even often told that some things naturally present in one person's personality can be taught to others, rather than to celebrate our diversity. The new buzz word in business circles and at universities is ‘entrepreneurship'.

Some people actually believe they can teach this as a skill. What can be taught is the thought process and how to hone the skills by someone who has it in him or her, and gets paid to teach it. What cannot be taught is how to be an entrepreneur. So we learn yet another idea that will encourage us to compete even more for money, and that will ultimately result in us failing to focus on, or care about, humanity.

It is said that money is the root of all evil. I would contend that it is not money but the spirit of greed that money invokes that is the root of evil. Because if we allow acquiring things to be our goal in life, we lose vision of what is truly more important - ourselves. "

I swear I'm not the devil...

"And he said…
I swear I’m not the devil…
Though you think I am…
I swear I’m not the devil…

I always fail to see…
The little things in front of me…
The things that mean so much to you…
A way to let you know…
That I appreciate…
The way you always tolerate…
But sometimes when I medicate…
Frustration in you…
Shows me how you feel…"

November drizzle

So, it's already November, I don't even remember the last time I updated this little blog of mine… What have I been up to? Not that many (Or anyone for that matter) would care or even have the slightest interest, but here goes nevertheless: Work, socializing, partying (Soberly, as usual) and trancing. Not much has changed then, eh? That’s what you might think, but photography has been missing from my list of activities for quite a while… I am still that geek who carries his camera with its full gear (Minus that Sigma 70-300 zoom lens which I wonder why I bought it, I think it’s because it was rather cheap, and for the wannabe stalker that lies within)... I still love photography, but haven’t have had much time to go on those shooting trips, which is a pity, especially since the weather has been improving tremendously lately. I like this month.

Work, well, I am learning to cope with stress, emotions, deadlines, “urgent” tasks and assignments which were eternally ‘pending’ yet suddenly become increasingly important out of the blue, but hey, that is work. Learning to deal with people, learn new things every single day, BEING BUSY! I am quite thankful that I eventually landed this job, especially considering the crisis in world economy, and the announced and unannounced layoffs that have been on the increase for the past two or so months in Dubai… The more fortunate companies are freezing their recruitment; the very fortunate ones are going ahead with their plans and projects. Something that makes me look forward to the coming months is the fact that things will get even busier, with two whole projects coming online in the next 6-8 months, and countless others (Well, depending on how the economy goes worldwide, since the others are not in Dubai)… I hope I will still be in the company by then, and hopefully my plans of continuing my studies will go unscathed despite everything… One word: Hamdella… Hamdella for everything, having a great family that haven’ pressurized me and gave me nothing but continuous endless support no matter what, being at a decent company with a good and relatively stable job within the field I studied and for lovely friends (Husam, Suha, Rasha, Mirna, Amal, Noreen, Zeina, Ghada, Mohammed, Cristina, Khaled, Marcus, Rania, Nassouh, Heba, Zayna, Saeed, Sheena, Lisa and countless others, you know yourselves :))

Useless and irrelevant piece of information there- I am at work doing the late shift today, obviously I haven’t had much to do in the last 15 or so minutes so I decided to blog, I am officially done for the day, so I guess I will wrap up this little post here, in the hope that I will get to update this further later on.

p.s. “Z” suggested that such postings should be kept to myself, and that they shouldn’t be shared, I beg to differ there though… There is a reason why I haven’t removed all the old posts, even the cheesy and teenager-ish ones (To be specific, ones relating to that ungrateful cunt I once adored, excuse my abusvie language there, but I think I am actually complimenting her with those words, and yes, I am ungrateful myself I reckon). They (Old posts) are there for nostalgic value, also, to be an eternal reminder of how everything changes and that the only fucking constant is change. Till this day I cannot explain things or make sense of what happened, but maybe it is better that way… Someone told me that in such situations, (Won’t call it a break-up, we were never together in the first place) you never know how it is at the other person’s end. Another reason is to be a bold reminder of how naïve I am, and how naïve I will always be, I’m not the brightest star in the sky, but I sure can be a force to reckon with when my mind is set to do or achieve something, like father, like son (God bless him).

If...

If the truth be told

All our vanities have gone
Wasted so much time with them
Pride the victor all along
Building walls between two friends
It was too high to pull it down
It was too high to climb so far
Now we laugh just like the clown
Who reminds us what a fool we are

In times of uncertainty

... you better be grateful for whatever little you might have...

Thankfully I am still alive, with a job (Shall I make a booking for you, sir/ma'am?)... As we say, hamdella 3a kul shi (Thank Godness for everything)... One should be grateful especially with the whole 'global' economical crisis showing no signs of waning, and with all the major 'players' in the market falling like pieces of domino... Kind of ironic given that a few years ago the Western world (AKA. The safe, smart, progressive and developed nations of the world) was rolling on the floor laughing at a certain information minister and his vain attempts to assure the masses that everything is alright... Now the roles are reversed in a more traumatic way so to speak, OK there are no people losing their lives, but people losing their future... Companies once labeled as "very safe and secure" are now filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy...

What's even more ironic? I can't recall the last time I saw the following words in a news headline:
Iraq, Iran, Terror and terrorism, Middle East crisis, peace and peace talks, US Troops, Afghan militants... These have been replaced by words along the lines of Collapse, bailout, rescue plan, economical crisis, sub-prime crisis, credit crunch and economical instability... What a difference, eh?

To be fair though, no economy is immune to this, and the market here has been struggling a 'bit' more than it does usually (Who are they kidding?)... But anyway, enough blabbing about stuff I have little actual knowledge about, I'm quite thankful for arabianbusiness.com's updates and the little discussions I hold with my lovely mother every evening over dinner over the 'shituation'...

Rambling on...

Not intended towards an individual, more like a general rant- I appreciate your treatment (Or lack of), makes one feel how small, unimportant and useless they are...
- I love the fact that I am not the only one in this fucking boat.. Makes it all seem worthwhile, this sense of unity is serene *tongue firmly in cheek*
- I admire how you believe your own lies BUT... I do NOT admire the manner in which you forget your own lies... At least be considerate to my effing blatant gullibility and follow through the BS

-The more you ask me, the more I might seem upset, but eventually it makes me even more self-absorbed

Omar...

... wonders if you are wondering about the same thing that he is wondering about (In typical facebook status fashion)

New horizons

It’s been a while…

Well, I don’t want to jump on the “I’ve been busy” bandwagon, but I’d rather put it in a different way, I just couldn’t MAKE the time to blog really… Last year I had so much time to waste that I had daily diary posts about my trip, but this year all I could manage was a half-arsed effort of typing a paragraph or two on the second night, and nothing else… I had a good time in Jordan nevertheless, was actually much better than I expected… I wish that the previous trips were as ‘cool’, but hey, hopefully the ones in the coming years will be even better ;-)

So, I got back, started work 2 days later, learning a lot of things, and looking forward to more challenges and encounters of the so-called real world… It's going to be a tricky, tricky path, I can assure you that, but hey, no pain, no gain

Got the impression this post is dull and tedious, but might be a reflection of reality?

Hope whoever still stumbles upon this page is well :)
Beace

Attempt at an update

I have the impression that this blog is all over the place, each rambling (A.K.A. post) has little or nothing to do with the previous post(S)… Randomness at its best, but it can be annoying for some (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder people? Or whatever it is called)… Maybe it isn’t too bad to have thoughts all over the place



So, here is a post to try and decipher some things and try to put things into some sort of logical perspective, I know I will probably fail miserably at that, but here goes nevertheless…



I have the impression that this will take a while, started typing in the evening of the 26th of July at a café, before a couple of friends joined, now, these lines were typed in the wee hours of the 27th…



Before I ‘commence’ my sense making attempt, here is the code for the titles: Date & time ~ Location or setting ~ Irrelevant piece of information ~ Eargasm specifications (If any)



[July 27, 7 AM ~ My bedroom ~ drinking water ~ ASOT 361]

So, I have officially graduated, my GPA somehow stayed above 3.50, which is quite good considering the lack of serious effort towards the end, thankfully the first ever C+ that I got did not have a major impact on the overall cumulative GPA. Can’t believe I used to be on the dean’s list, I must have been such a geeky workaholic, wonder where all that determination, motivation, hunger and drive went, down the drain perhaps? Answers on a postcard please



We have finally moved to the new house in a quiet residential area, it’s quite different when compared to our old ‘crib’, the garage is significantly bigger, the garden is massive, rooms are more spacious, better sound insulation (Which means that I can listen to whatever I want at a relatively high volume level without having to anticipate my sister’s eventual knock on my door :)) and closer to my father’s workplace, a bit of traffic though due to all the cheapskates that avoid the lovely road toll gates which are situated perfectly after the last exit that leads to our area :)…



[July 27 9 AM ~ Same ~ Fed up with customer service (Or the lack of) ~ Same]

My workplace is quite nearby as well, even closer than my father’s office (But that doesn’t really count for a lot when there is minimal available parking)… Had to dash out to check on the status of my bank account, they didn’t bother to give me a call to let me know that there is a discrepancy that required clarification, anyhow, that is sorted… I applied at a bank that is in the same complex as the one where my office will be, due to start work as soon as I come back from Jordan…



Jordan? What about Vegas? Well, OK, I won this scholarship trip thing that entitles me to attend a conference in Las Vegas from 8-12 August, but I sadly couldn’t get the visa, thus, I managed to convince my folks to let me repeat my antics of last year of going to Jordan for a few days to attend that Distant Heat rave all over again, difference is that I will get to stay there for a few more days until they come over, instead of coming back to Dubai for a week then flying AGAIN to Jordan with them, not bad. Had a good deal at a couple of hotels in Amman and Aqaba for the 10 or so days that I will spend there on my own, not bad either.

I will miss Spider/Katkoot/LuLu/Whatever name you deem appropriate for our fat, yet adorable cat. He is over a year and a half old now, yet still as beautiful as he was the day that I got him and sneaked him into the house. He still has that uncanny habit of venturing outside the house whenever he could to run around in the garden and to walk on any available patch of sand, making his cute little paws dirty. We just bathed him a few days ago, yet he repeated the same annoying action! Oh well, you can’t force kitties to do anything really, it’s their way or the highway baby, but I still love him! :) The ‘fur ball’!



One small thing, I don’t know why I have this habit of procrastinating. (Whoa, can’t believe I actually spelled that right from the first time, unless the Microsoft Word spell check feature is having a brain fart). Back on topic: I don’t know why I have that habit when it comes to things I have to do for my own sake, like the bank thing for instance, I should have had that damn bank account done and dusted before I even signed and sorted out my papers with my lovely employers, but hey, nobody is perfect, you can’t do it right all the time (As if I ever got it right!)… Quoting Staind “I was made for chasing dreams” (Does that even relate, in any way to whatever preceded it?)



So, what else is there to talk about… guys and their ‘take’ on relationships perhaps? I don’t know what is it with people, but I’m starting to slowly give up on the most decent guys that I know, it’s a bloody rat race, whom would ‘nail’ this chick or that chick and lure her into, erm, you know what… Guess this is ‘the game’, would rather stay away, never grasped the rules, and I don’t think I fit with the whole ideology behind such things… Guess I’m either too naïve or too stubborn, or just too nice in a way… Oh well, all to his or her own… Can’t change the world, heck, I can’t even change my sleeping habits… Been awake since 5 PM yesterday, forcing myself to stay awake, still got to finish off some small shopping, and exchange some money to Jordanian Dinars, yey. Hope I will find some cheap Tamron lenses, I really want a wide-angle lens for my DSLR no particular reason, or even better- A fish-eye! Let’s see how things go today, and whether I will be able to keep myself awake…

It pains me...

... to see that things have gone down this route... Whatever hope I had was slashed to meaningless fake optimism, back to the naive state of mind that I can't seem to get rid of, or at least manage to balance against the realities of this world...

I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...

I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...

I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)

I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...

Good luck... It's scarce...

Double standards

I’m a major victim of applying double-standards in my life... Double standards, prejudice, moodiness and materialism to a certain extent... Some negative traits this generation is infamous for I reckon... Not accepting the fact that other people do tend to treat me using the “double-standards” technique while expecting the opposite to be normal is a bloody double standard indeed...

At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...

I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are

Shame... Shame...

...

Blank... But the only two words that come to mind at this very moment are:
Utterly disappointed...

"Home"

...

Do I follow different moral standards to the rest of the planet? I know for a matter of fact that my common sense is fvked up, or nonexistent at times, but still...

Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...

As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...

Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way

bla bla bla

For the ones who give (Or eat) a carrot, this was typed a couple of days ago while collecting questionnaires… Didn’t have the time after that to post it, yesterday was extremely hectic, and today is hectic as well, catching my breath before yet another job interview…

Movers booked for the 2nd of June, not bad, glad that we’re not taking much of the old furniture along with us, only the relatively new electronics as far as I know (No, my 2 or 3 year old PC is not old, I insist on taking it, it can be really reliable when the laptop disappoints).

Collecting more surveys at the moment, tedious process, can’t wait till this questionnaire collection process is all but over in a few days (Hopefully), should be done with this by next week, the whole thesis is due in a month’s time, yippee. I thought I was behind when compared to others, seems I’m more or less at a similar stage as most, apart from the geniuses who are better than time management than me I guess. I can’t believe I barely did anything in April, would’ve saved me a lot of time (And thinking) I reckon, but hey, working hard (Or in this particular case, trying) never killed anyone… I don’t mind the free dinners along the way while collecting surveys, although I’ve been characteristically hesitant to abuse the privilege.

Job hunting too, interviews, presentations, recommendations, suggestions, career advices and so on, that’s what has also been going on in the past few days (Since last Thursday to be precise), got several more to come, the one I am looking forward to the most though at the moment is one that is for a enviable spot on a career development program by one of the industry trend setters here in Dubai (And soon globally), it is aiming to recruit some Arabic speaking people in the region… I hope I am not jinxing my already not so glorious chances by talking (Well, typing) about it, but I’ve been waiting for this opportunity to come around again. Missed out the last time since I wasn’t really inspired to participate or even bothered to try my luck against some of the finest talents that applied from all over the world, as I kind of realised that I would be punching way above my weight, and I was not quite convinced yet back then about the whole program (Nor was I keen on working in the industry) , but now that one of my classmates has deservedly been picked, and hearing first hand about his experience thus far, it’s quite tempting… I can go on for hours about the pay in the industry, but to be fair, of my limited knowledge and experience, it is this industry that I have the slightest clue about, easy money made in other jobs goes as fast as it comes perhaps (I emphasize on ‘job’ rather than career)… Got to think of some so-called nonexistent “qualities and exceptional attributes” that might get me picked ahead of the Jassims Mansoors of this world. Jolly.

Life is quite ironic… What makes such paradoxes easier to take is that what goes around comes around eventually, quoting Aaron Lewis of Staind “Everything must come full circle”…

...

Knackered and I barely started! Oh boy, I’m going to be in for the shock of my life when I start actual work!

In & Out

Moving out in about 2-3 weeks, graduating in 40 or so days, not bad, eh?

Most of the stuff (Read: Crap) that had to be sorted out for our house have more or less been taken care of, it’s being painted now, so we are waiting till that is done, then the curtains people will install the er, curtains… Guess after that it’s just a matter of organizing the deliveries of the furniture from the various shops, guess it will be a pain in the backside (From a logistical perspective)… Garden needs a lot of work apparently, but that will be taken care of too… Electronics will be a hassle too, making sure everything works, the satellite, telephone and internet subscriptions all up and running (I’m kind of excited about the wireless, hope we’ll be able to make it reach every bit of the whole thing, including the backyard :)).

Spider (The cat) will have his small tiny opening where he will be locked up when he is being naughty or when someone is trying to get some sleep in the living room but can’t because he keeps on jumping on them. Will keep his food in my room so he kind of gets attached to it (My room that is, he is already attached to food, lazy fat arsed cat!)

Mmm, what else? Dissertation is the same, slow progress, but getting somewhere, I still find it quite irrelevant to our future careers, and way too academic for people in the fourth year of a hotel management degree, an industry that requires more practical and operational knowledge and awareness, not theoretical and/or academic… But anyway, I guess this is the case with other majors, heck, a friend of mine did film making and had to do a dissertation as well, so there you go.

Photography-wise, had the first shoot with a friend in a long time recently, was quite fun and I liked the outcome of the pictures in general… Got to try different settings that I didn’t experiment with before, and realized that my general lens is quite crap (For the fellow photography and Canon geeks: Sigma 18-200 OS)… Mind you, it’s OK, but as I found out myself, it’s not the best out there. Next on my list: Either a fish-eye lens or the long awaited wide-angle lens! (Sigma 10-20mm!)

Summer plans, mentioned that in a previous post? Not quite sure. Confirmed: Jordan (*Yawn*) in August with the family. NOT confirmed: Jordan and Germany in July with a couple of friends. Wonder how many graduation gifts one can ask for :P

A small rant- I just hope people would stop asking me “Oh, you haven’t finished it yet?” when they ask about the dissertation, it’s not your typical kind of school project that you can finish from start to finish in two days (Or less).

Football: Would rather not go in to that, didn’t have a lot of expectations this year, and we (Liverpool) had a disappointing season in the premier league… Our showing in Europe is a plus, wasn’t the main objective, although I admit reaching the European cup final for the 3rd time in FOUR years would have been quite remarkable, but as said before, fate can be a little slut sometimes, we rode our luck against Inter and Arsenal (and on other occasions in previous seasons), so it was about time that the run of luck ended… Torres , Babel and Mascherano are bloody legends though… Well, till next season… I just hope the bloody Tom Hicks don’t fvk things up all over again as they did before :(… and in Rafa we trust!

p.s. I don’t think I really believe in the sayings “They are no longer on speaking terms” & “Their relationship is beyond repair”. That is how the media describe the defunct relationship between the owners of Liverpool, Tom Hicks and George Gillette. I mean I know that they don't talk to each other, but I am referring to myself, for some reason I don't think that such things on a personal level are "beyond repair"... Guess I'm quite stubborn...

Moving out, dissertation and so-called relationships

Just to let you know, half of this was typed on Thursday May 8th, while the remainder was typed on the morning of Friday May 10th. (As if anyone gives a carrot).

So, thanks to the “Jumeirah Garden City” project we are forced to move out from our ‘headquarters’ (As mentioned in the previous post). A project that nobody knows exactly anything about, nobody has the master plan and nobody knows how it will look like. All what is known now is that they are demolishing small areas of land here and there. Based on two maps that indicate that the compound we live in is amongst those set to be destroyed, we decided that maybe we should just stop wondering whether it is true or not and start looking for a new place. We found a new one pretty quickly and got the contractual agreements and stuff sorted out, but the problems increase by the day. Furniture that is “definitely available” now suddenly becomes sold out the next day, promises by the landlord to do some basic maintenance works before we move out are never carried out and keep on getting delayed, snags in the bathrooms and in general are another worry that the mysterious landlord is not really bothered about (We have to deal with someone else). But to be fair, most of these problems just need a bit of work and patience, and even if they are not sorted, some of them are not major problems… Should be staying there in about two or so weeks hopefully, so let’s see how things turn out. It’s significantly bigger than our current ‘crib’, it’s near my university (As if it makes a difference now, when I have less than 2 months to finish off my last semester!), closer to where my father works and the school of my small sister.

University is alright, barely going there anymore, this dissertation is quite endless though, taking ages just to do the preliminary stuff like the literature review and the pilot study, but it should sort itself out with time and as I get used to working on it, dread going to the library and looking for resources to analyze information and such. But one’s gotta do what one’s gotta do I guess, it is not like I will get to spend much time ever again there after the end of these two not-so-lovely months, and by the way, this is the point in time in every semester that I start contemplating whether such courses and projects are relevant at all. On one hand, it should be useful when (And if) I decide to pursue a masters degree, but otherwise, what good would a dissertation be really in this major? So far I only see it as a corner-cutting practice to make up the total number of required credit hours (It’s worth nine credit hours, rather than the typical three, yey).

Starting to look for a job, but not so intensely, no rush, I’ll have to work and build my career for the rest of my sad life anyway. Talking about ‘sad lives’, I guess I already lead one. When it takes you more than a year (And counting) to get over someone who doesn’t really care or even remember you, then that is quite sad indeed. I guess it is part of my personality, that, along with the small incident I ranted about on DeviantArt with the so-called ‘consultant’ kind of proved to me that I find it quite hard to take things in my stride and more importantly, accepting that rejection is something ‘normal’ and not that awful really. Maybe I should write a bit about my take on relationships, but I have limited experience with that, heck, I never even dated properly (Or at all) in the first place… But on a second thought, you never know… All I can say is that the fear of rejection and losing not only a friend, but a loved one, makes it quite complicated and complex to get into one, I never really believed in casual relationships either.

God knows when I will have a second read of this and realise the ridiculous amount of similarly ridiculous spelling and grammar mistakes this post has, just like all the others

Again...

All this happened recently...

I quit smoking (Last night’s puffs of a messed up argeelah don’t count)

Started working out

Did something stupid

Wished I could be somewhere else

Almost got into another retarded accident in the university’s parking lot

Stayed awake for 20+ hours and slept for the following 18 hours

Tried to convince myself of some fundamental issues, but to no avail

Got myself yet another camera

Thought about the past 12 or so years spent at our soon to be demolished ‘home’, thus, leading to an actual state of “looking for a place called home”
Had a few nightmares and déjà vu moments, not good

Got back to reality, maybe I should just hide in my bedroom forever

Realised that some things are significantly easier said than done

Found out the hard way that karma and fate can be a little slut sometimes

*cough cough*

Paying the price for a few days of pure madness, seeing Above & Beyond in Beirut, beating Arsenal in the Champions League and meeting several new friends and learning a thing or two about a fascinating country. The constant change of weather + smoking indefinable amounts of sheesha has gotten me a nasty flu, headache and a running nose. Yey! Slowly getting better though, slowly

Scorchin'

Taken away, astonished, surprised, blown away, dumbfounded, are all words that perfectly describe how my feelings were last night, some still linger, but lack of sleep and fatigue is overwhelming. The memories are imprinted in my memory forever.

This place is messed up in a fascinating way, the unique mix of pretty much everything here is probably unorthodox anywhere else in the world.

Beirut, I love you! A proper post to follow hopefully, I was planning to do a similar travel blog or diary, similar to what I did last summer, but didn’t really have much time, laptop’s battery doesn’t help either when it keeps on running out after 40 minutes! (Or less), but hey, being out and about is better than being stuck in a hotel room ;)
Back in Dubai in a few hours

The art of dissing

Typed this around 24 hours ago, couldn’t upload it due to the internet issue I had (mentioned below). Happy reading

This is endless… Well, endless for three more months… Doing a dissertation, as I am sadly finding out is not something that you can finish huge chunks of quickly, it's a tedious, continuous and painstakingly endless process of work, work and more work… Once you have something in place you have to re-do it, re-look at it, examine it, analyze it and you can't just 'finish it', you have to go back to it at some latter point… It is something you have to follow through rigorously, it's true that this should be the case with everything really, but I'm finding out by doing this that I am NOT a perfectionist, I don't like relooking at things I already did, because I don't like finding silly mistakes that are always bound to be there, not the most professional attitude, and definitely not one for someone who claims to try to improve himself, but hey, nobody is perfect. I try to make the original as good as possible… Although I have to succumb eventually and ask someone to proof read it for my lazy ass.
Been having router problems for the past three or so hours, relying on an unreliable and unsecured network from one of our lovely neighbours to access the internet, thankfully I don't need it desperately now, but it's just annoying… Especially when the internet connection has supposedly been 'upgraded', something that we're yet to experience, hope this router failure and my persistent nagging will lead to even more changes in the I.T. Infrastructure at the O residences

For the time being, I have to find a way to motivate myself to read at least two more articles

Getting there

Funny ol’ game.

I had my first job interview yesterday, I like to convince myself that I did well, thanks 4-years of studying (almost) and my relatively limited experience in life and half-decent talking skills. I doubt I will be offered anything since the property doesn’t open for another 3 years, but we’ll see... Haven’t had interviews for quite a while... The school work has more or less reached a halt, couldn’t motivate myself to continue, but will try to be slightly productive today, somehow.

Random- I wish I could harm someone, had the opportunity before but couldn’t, maybe I’m either too ‘nice’ or just too stupid. Cannot understand you anymore, I guess this is what happens when the person in front of you is either extremely intelligent, or absolutely retarded.

False state

One of those long days, practically almost over, should be asleep and get ready for an even more hectic day, running out of time while still being in my comfort zone, not realising that it’s time to start doing actual work. Keeping on convincing myself that I have half the work cut out by my previous efforts before the little logic in my head tells me that it’s not enough, endless cycle really. Losing track of my surroundings; I admit I never had a proper sense of place or time (Especially the latter), so when someone like me says that, than that means something! At this very moment, I think I’m taking things for granted. Not good.

I feel the whole of 2007 has come and again very quickly, it wasn’t a particularly bad year or anything, in fact, it was probably another major turning point, but still, when I look back at general trivial events like the last world cup, when I got my car, certain courses and some events, I get the feeling that the whole year didn’t even count or exist in the calendar... Seems I’m not the only one with that damned sentiment either, “N” is there too... Can’t blame her, more or less similar situations, but some people have more at stake than others. Waiting, praying and hoping does not always yield positive results, learning that the hard way

Trying to figure out my mental strength is not easy, or fun...

Projectation

One week into the semester and I haven’t done ANYTHING for my dissertation, I don’t have a research question, haven’t considered the variables, NOTHING... I guess I will use the excuse of having another project to worry about when I meet my supervisor tomorrow afternoon. I still have the gut feeling that it should not be as hard as I imagine or as hard as they try to make us think...

Have to give credit to K for an amazing set, as usual, brought back many memories of starting to listen to trance, old car, old friends, old everything that reminds me of those times two or three years ago... Didn’t hear the whole thing yet, but hearing Ferry Corsten’s remix of Aven’s “All I want” was more than enough I guess! Ferry at his best probably

As far as R is concerned, I wish he’d stop confusing me and giving me those scares every now and then. Had a good weekend though, didn’t do much school-related, but still...
One last thing- Etisalat = Greed!

My half-arsed attempt at a rant

The following things suck:

Politics, anything from presidential elections to the lack of any global condemnation of the so-called self-defence carried out against children and women in Gaza

George Gillett and Tom Hicks, and their “dreamland” dreams and stubbornness, how many drinks do we have to spill on Tom’s son? How many chants, banners and God knows what else do we have to come up with to make you dumb asses realise that you are not welcome at Anfield? Get the hell out ffs

Traffic, yes, it does suck, and no, the metro won’t solve this city’s traffic issues

The weather, seriously, how many times can one possibly get the flu in one winter season?! Let alone a whole year.

Relationships: note to self- there is no perfect match or a match made in heaven. Get over it, if you’re not willing to make sacrifices and if you still think that real love exists, then maybe you should get your head fixed.

Friendships, sigh

Dubai ‘raves’, they aren’t actual raves, how often do you go to an actual rave and see people in neat dresses and suits?

Tech-trance is shit compared to uplifting...

Bla bla bla

So it’s already March, indecisive about a few things, how to carry out my dissertation (and where), where to work, whether to give a hoot or not about the consultancy project, work in the same field of my major or seek new and different challenges, start applying or stay put and wait to see what fate (And wasta) might throw my way. Where to go, what to do in the summer, use the last few months of being a student to go to places on someone else’s expense (In other words: my folks).

Working on an external consultancy project now, which is one of two courses in my last ever semester at the university I currently go to. Having to wake up at 6 AM and report to ‘work’ by 7 AM is not really an experience I’m fond of, given my tendency to stay up late, add to that natural sleeping disorders and you have a recipe of a grumpy ‘worker’. Thankfully I don’t really have to do anything serious, as the work revolves mainly around observing and discussing with employees the current procedures and the nature of their jobs, in addition to assisting and doing bits and pieces of what they do, to get an idea of the nature of work and give suggestions on how to improve it. Thing is though, I doubt there is much we can do really or come up with that has not been discussed previously or suggested already. Fortunately, I am doing this project with a classmate, as we had the option to do it individually or in groups of two people. And by the way, I was supposedly off for the past month, but started this earlier than we’re supposed to. My partner in this project is not ‘dissertating’, thus it was in our interest to start it earlier and get it out of the way for me, and get him finally graduated. =)

Supposedly upgraded the internet to a 4 MB connection, but it’s quite irrelevant when the router is of pathetic quality, now I have to go through another hassle to choose a new router and install it (Read: Get someone to install it and test it). Talking about the internet, haven’t updated my ‘mobile’ blog (http://omthego.blogspot.com) for a while as for some reason, on the rare occasions that I feel like updating it, the service encounters a ‘failure’, typical Etisalat...

Saw Blake Jarrell and Armin last week, as a set, Armin’s set was fine, a bit confusing, but overall, significantly better than PvD, certainly kept the crowd going (But not me, tech-trance and house-ish stuff are not really my thing... Finally got the time to sit down and try to write up some mini personal review of the event. As a whole experience, there were some disappointing bits that had NOTHING to do with Armin’s set, just personal crap... Nothing coming up in the next month or so trance-wise apart from Sander Van Doorn, which means more tech-trance, although I’ve been hearing that his album is quite good, yet to listen to it though... Not expecting much, sometimes I get more excited by listening on my own to radio shows and sets on my laptop or on the radio.
Above & Beyond are playing in Beirut in less than a month, contemplating going, seriously. I missed their gig here for ludicrous reasons, hopefully I will be able to go, just got to get things organised a bit at uni with the two projects mentioned earlier. On a totally different note, thinking about deactivating my Facebook account (Again)... It confuses me sometimes.

Almost there

Finally this hell-ish week is almost over. Had relatives visiting (And vomiting) from Oman staying in my room, had to ‘stay’ at the university’s dorms. The iPod has retired and the car has ‘axel’ issues to be sorted out (In addition to the lovely squeaky brakes), that overrated idiot called Tiesto is playing here again, couldn’t care less about him... Why pay an over the odds amount to see him play a typical and predictable set on Valentine’s day (Out of all days). Would rather go see one of my friends spin some house (Although it’s not my ‘thing’, nothing compares to trance) but on the plus side, he’s underrated and talented (And nice, not an arrogant dickhead. Talking about trance, Armin is visiting these shores again, and the Anjunaboys (Above & Beyond) are playing in the Middle East again, this time in Beirut. Time to make up for missing out on their gig here and revive some 2007 summer memories, hopefully I will be able to make it.

On a positive note, sister has sold off her old car and getting a new one within a few days (Probably before the weekend), got my old camera and zoom lens back and was told that I’ll be able to get some additional accessories for my camera, yey! A few months away from graduation too, not bad. Will probably miss uni days, but I have a feeling it won’t be the last time, I’ll probably occupy myself at some point in my career with courses, seminars and such (As long as it’s out of someone else’s pockets of course. Greed!). Spider had that surgery, was dizzy for a day or two before getting hyper all over again, poor thing is terrified though thanks to our extremely adorable (NOT!!!!) guests.

Another thing, stopped really tracking the number of visitors to this blog and other useless trivial details related to it, lost interest, more importantly, why should I bother? As if it makes a difference anymore.

Cynical

Maybe I do actually think a bit too much sometimes and try to overanalyze everything… Trying to read more into things, events, facts and so on might be good sometimes, but when it’s done excessively, it becomes a burden as you tend to doubt everything when thinking that “Dam, there must be more to it which might be hidden”… Sometimes one should literally calm down… Maybe some things ARE exactly like how they seem to be, believe it or not… Insecurity perhaps?
MLV’s remix of Sun Is Shining just popped into my head for no reason.

Karma...

اشوف فيكم يوم بس أنا... حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل
كما تدين تدان

Depressing that one sometimes has no choice but to deal with low-lives like you. Karma will find a fucking way to bring all the bad karma you brought to me back to you, whether I will be there to witness it is irrelevant because I know it will happen someday, somewhere... Everything happens for a reason

In Rafa we trust...

Disclaimer: If you are not into football, then don’t bother reading this post. What is in this post is my interpretation of what has been happening; I might be totally wrong or accurate. Point of this is to rant and voice my clear lack of satisfaction at what is happening in the boardrooms.

Been trying to get myself to write this rant for a while, I don’t know where to start. To describe the whole situation in a few words: We are f***ed. The club has been bought about a year ago by two American investors, Gillette and Hicks, this was the latest takeover in a series of several other which has seen the likes of both Manchester clubs, Chelsea, Newcastle, Birmingham, Chelsea amongst others changing hands. What makes this different is that ever since the 2007/2008 season started, problems have been occurring from left, right and center… The owners promised something, and are trying to do something totally different, used the term ‘trying’ because they are not even succeeding in their devilish contingency plan. They promised that they will invest from their own money, not throw the debt on to the books of the club like what a certain Malcolm Glazer and his family did a few miles away at Old Trafford. What they did is finance the takeover using debt, now, since that initial loan is about to expire and they have to pay it, they want to somehow get ANOTHER loan to pay for the original loan AND instead of taking liability for it, making the club and the holding company (Kop Holdings) bear with the loan.

What else have they done wrong? One of them comes out and gloats in November, when spats between Rafael Benetiz and them started regarding providing enough financial backing for player transfers during the January transfer window. What did that useless living object tell the press? He goes and tells the world that him and the other owner went and talked to the coach of the German national team in 2006 and discuss with him replacing Rafael Benetiz in case the club did not make it past the group stages in the Champions League, thankfully we made it through, and one normally would expect that nobody will ever know about that meeting between the owners, the German and his wife. Why did he come out and talk about it, then in the same amazing announcement provide assurance to Rafa saying that they are fully behind him and that he has their full support! Actions speak louder than words, and what he did was clearly unprofessional and more importantly, totally uncalled for. During that interview, he used terms such as that Klinsman (The German manager who for the record has NO experience whatsoever in managing clubs) was an “insurance policy” in case things did not go according to plan in Merseyside and that the ‘hiccups’ encountered in November regarding the transfers and financing were due to “bad communication” on Rafael Benetiz’s behalf! Outrageous, unacceptable and simply pathetic, the other owner has made it clear that he is quite unimpressed with his partner’s revelation, making the rift not only between manager and owners, but also owners themselves. Who else is to blame? The chief executive of our club, Rick Parry, he might be good for a midtable club, but he certainly lacks the ability to take this club further. All he cares about is his ego and himself, if it wasn’t due to his mismanagement and retarded decisions we would have been bought by DIC (Dubai Investment Corporation, or whatever it is called), but no, he opts to listen to the Americans instead because it would guarantee keeping his job. It’s becoming a nightmare, not a single week goes by without more confusion and uncertainty. The new stadium is still far from being built, despite the long wait (A decade or so me thinks), Javier Mascherano’s permanent stay is yet to be confirmed (We need 17M pounds for that, but even the bloody Yankees fail to see that we need a player of his caliber in our squad), we are already out of contention for the league title (We were realistically out of it by the end of December after a run of disappointing draws home and away). Some fans might question Rafa’s policies and his regime and say that there hasn’t been any major progress, but sacking him is NOT the way forward… The last thing we want is to sack one of our most ambitious and knowledgeable managers for almost two decades and become a laughing stock like a certain football club that is known as Newcastle United.

In Rafa we trust, but FOR FUCK’S SAKE GIVE THE MAN SOME AUTONOMY

A look back at 2007

Maybe it’s a bit late to wish whoever might stumble upon this blog of mine a happy new year, but I’m always late, bet I will be late for my own funeral. Always said it, and will always say it again in amazement: Time flies, and so much happens in one year. Won’t go into every little single thing, as it’s impossible to remember everything… Will try to mention the so-called highlights…

I never imagined myself taking pictures with a big fat ass camera, something in me tells me that I made the upgrade way too soon, as a friend’s suggestion in the summer of 2006 rings in my head that it would be a waste of money, but at least I enjoy it, became such an addiction. Had my first proper photo shoot with a DJ friend, DJ Afroboogie, the resident DJ at Peppermint Club here, gladly it turned out quite well and he uses the pictures in his official press releases, not bad I guess, I also became quite picky with pictures. Lately tried to experiment with HDR, it’s not as easy as it seems, and it’s diluting my previous concept of avoiding photo manipulation… But I have to admit that although HDR photos ARE fake, but they sometimes turn out amazing.

Another addiction is trance, kind of drifted away from house and electro. Trance Around The World with Above & Beyond remains my favorite radio show, the Deep Blue Radio Show with Solar Stone and Agnelli & Nelson and their lovely guest mixes, along with A State Of Trance by Armin Van Buuren (The new number 1 DJ in the world according to the overrated DJ MAG poll and ranking). Met some great and humble guys, such as Fila of Aly & Fila, Sean Tyas, Robert Nelson of Agnelli & Nelson, one half of Mark Norman and one of my all time favorites, Ferry Corsten amongst others. I missed out on Above & Beyond’s gig here in Dubai due to some messed up reasons, but 2008 promises to be even better, with a slight, very slight chance of going to Trance Energy in Holland, the line-up is scary, on a more domestic note, in the next month Ferry Corsten is coming again here, while one of trance’s new sensations, Sied Van Riel is playing in Muscat, Oman (Yes, considering going to that after missing out on DJ Amadeus’s gig there).

I got myself a second set of decks as the first one was utterly useless and did not even work, the new one is more than double the price, but much better, way better actually and easier to carry around. I still don’t have a clue how to mix, beat match or anything, heck, I don’t even know how to use the use the infamous cue button, but I’m taking things slowly, after all, you can’t learn and master such things overnight. As we say “God didn’t create the world in one day” (Six days to be precise, according to the Quran).

As far as education goes, it’s been a hectic year, especially the fall semester, out of the dean’s list, but at least the grading system changed, which boosted everyone’s GPA dramatically. It’s a pity how when you look back it the mistakes seem so easy, but at the time of committing them; it didn’t seem worth it to even bother. But hey, I’m a few months away from graduation, and since I mentioned that, I’m seriously considering NOT going to my own ball/prom/graduation party or whatever it is called, such an overrated affair. Quite ironic that I went to all the other balls during my four years at university, but won’t go to my own. (As if anyone will notice my presence or absence).

Summer was surprisingly good, despite me insisting that I will NOT go anywhere, I ended up going to Jordan twice, the first was for Distant Heat in Wadi Rum, memorable event, generally for the right things, a look back at my older posts will show you the not so good things when all the memories (Almost) were stolen by a freakin’ cunt. (Excuse my French)…
Football-wise, I posted my thoughts and reflections on the year on XT here: http://www.xtratime.org/forum/showthread.php?t=226083 , happy reading! It’s funny how a year ago we thought the Americans (Gillette and Hicks) and their takeover was the best thing to happen to our ‘big’ club, but a year on, we’re full of doubt over the future of the club, where it is going, whether we will finally win the league title again or not, now everything is uncertain, the new ground which has been in limbo for a decade or so, the new signings we need to seriously challenge for the title, our boss staying or leaving, the tactics on the pitch, getting rid of the deadwood (Riise and Kuyt for instance) and so many other less serious issues, but ones that still have a serious impact on the club as a whole. We reached the Champions League final again after a mesmerizing run that saw us beat Barca and Chelsea, they were quite emotional moments only comparable to the 2005 win, we were labeled the worst fans in Europe by the UEFA because of the lack of proper organization and planning on THEIR parts, I don’t know what the heck Plattini is doing up there, trying to change things that are fundamental parts of the game… We eventually lost 2-1 to AC Milan), but even that is seen as a distant memory now…

I met many new people thanks to friends, Facebook believe it or not and university, also lost contact and fell out with others… C’est la vie really. You can’t have it all your way. One can just hope for the best but prepare for the WORST.

New year’s resolutions? Nothing really, it’s just the same long-standing hopes that transferred from 2007 to 2008. On an off-topic note: My elder sister is planning to do the switch from Peugeot to Audi like me and get the Audi Q7 inshaAllah if everything went well, personally, the mere mention of the Audi A5 (Or even better, the S5) turns me on! Hoping I would be able to afford that piece of German brilliance at some point after I start working :).