When you think you have problems, think twice
When you tend to wonder what has gone wrong in your life, think twice
When you’ve just spent days whinging about immaterial and trivial matters and then something of that magnitude comes and delivers that long due slap in your sorry face, you realize that perhaps it’s not as bad as you might have thought…
You assume that things should take a certain pattern in life, in some magical due course, when they don’t take that course for a certain person, the first thing that comes to ‘mind’ in our short-sighted, critical and naïve thoughts is “what went wrong?”… Well, here is the deal for you and me, things do not necessarily “go wrong”, you might be the best thing since fucking sliced bread, but there is a small, tiny fact of life that is known as fate.
Someone passed away in our extended family earlier today, youngest amongst their siblings, out of the blue, had no symptoms whatsoever on the few occasions we met, but death knows has no age criteria, it has no prerequisites, it just happens… He might be in a better place now… I hardly really knew him, but that is irrelevant I reckon… Life and fate’s twists and turns…
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Rat race...
Good read...
The Rat Trap
The rat trap
by Mishal Kanoo on Wednesday, 26 November 2008
"From a young age we are taught that we should work. We work hard at school to get the best grades to go to university. We work harder at university to get a good job. And we work yet harder at the job to get that promotion. Finally, we work harder still to keep on getting promotions until we retire.
In the meantime, we fail to love our parents for taking care of us. We miss out on being children with time to laugh and play because we so want to be an adult.
We learn to hone our competitive edge to the degree that we forget our humanity sometimes. And as we grow older, we forget what it means to genuinely love unconditionally and the meaning of forgiveness.
Story continues below ↓
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Instead, we learn that everything is an obstacle that we must overcome or we will never reach the next stage. Look at the way electronic games are set up. It is a learned behavior. The child learns to fight and push forward but is never taught to share and include.
As a famous person once said, "you are either with me or with the enemy." This doctrine is not far from the hearts of many people. Perhaps they might not agree with the statement when it comes to politics, but I assure you, look around, and you will see it in abundance in everyday life.
We then bemoan about not having enough time to do all the things we wish we could do. We are more than ready to sacrifice our humanity for money because that is what many of us were taught to focus on. Some of us will work ten, twelve and sometimes fourteen hours a day, not because we need to, but because we have trained ourselves that this is the right way to show that we are dedicated to our work.
Of course there are people who genuinely work because there is no alternative for them to survive. But most of us look at work as a competition that we have to win.
That is the fruition of the learned behavior that we took from our childhood in school. We are graded in school, not to see what subjects we excel at, and thus should focus on - we are graded to see which of us has the ability to learn the system the fastest and thus ensure a better chance of survival in the work environment.
We are even often told that some things naturally present in one person's personality can be taught to others, rather than to celebrate our diversity. The new buzz word in business circles and at universities is ‘entrepreneurship'.
Some people actually believe they can teach this as a skill. What can be taught is the thought process and how to hone the skills by someone who has it in him or her, and gets paid to teach it. What cannot be taught is how to be an entrepreneur. So we learn yet another idea that will encourage us to compete even more for money, and that will ultimately result in us failing to focus on, or care about, humanity.
It is said that money is the root of all evil. I would contend that it is not money but the spirit of greed that money invokes that is the root of evil. Because if we allow acquiring things to be our goal in life, we lose vision of what is truly more important - ourselves. "
The Rat Trap
The rat trap
by Mishal Kanoo on Wednesday, 26 November 2008
"From a young age we are taught that we should work. We work hard at school to get the best grades to go to university. We work harder at university to get a good job. And we work yet harder at the job to get that promotion. Finally, we work harder still to keep on getting promotions until we retire.
In the meantime, we fail to love our parents for taking care of us. We miss out on being children with time to laugh and play because we so want to be an adult.
We learn to hone our competitive edge to the degree that we forget our humanity sometimes. And as we grow older, we forget what it means to genuinely love unconditionally and the meaning of forgiveness.
Story continues below ↓
advertisement
Instead, we learn that everything is an obstacle that we must overcome or we will never reach the next stage. Look at the way electronic games are set up. It is a learned behavior. The child learns to fight and push forward but is never taught to share and include.
As a famous person once said, "you are either with me or with the enemy." This doctrine is not far from the hearts of many people. Perhaps they might not agree with the statement when it comes to politics, but I assure you, look around, and you will see it in abundance in everyday life.
We then bemoan about not having enough time to do all the things we wish we could do. We are more than ready to sacrifice our humanity for money because that is what many of us were taught to focus on. Some of us will work ten, twelve and sometimes fourteen hours a day, not because we need to, but because we have trained ourselves that this is the right way to show that we are dedicated to our work.
Of course there are people who genuinely work because there is no alternative for them to survive. But most of us look at work as a competition that we have to win.
That is the fruition of the learned behavior that we took from our childhood in school. We are graded in school, not to see what subjects we excel at, and thus should focus on - we are graded to see which of us has the ability to learn the system the fastest and thus ensure a better chance of survival in the work environment.
We are even often told that some things naturally present in one person's personality can be taught to others, rather than to celebrate our diversity. The new buzz word in business circles and at universities is ‘entrepreneurship'.
Some people actually believe they can teach this as a skill. What can be taught is the thought process and how to hone the skills by someone who has it in him or her, and gets paid to teach it. What cannot be taught is how to be an entrepreneur. So we learn yet another idea that will encourage us to compete even more for money, and that will ultimately result in us failing to focus on, or care about, humanity.
It is said that money is the root of all evil. I would contend that it is not money but the spirit of greed that money invokes that is the root of evil. Because if we allow acquiring things to be our goal in life, we lose vision of what is truly more important - ourselves. "
Monday, November 24, 2008
I swear I'm not the devil...
"And he said…
I swear I’m not the devil…
Though you think I am…
I swear I’m not the devil…
I always fail to see…
The little things in front of me…
The things that mean so much to you…
A way to let you know…
That I appreciate…
The way you always tolerate…
But sometimes when I medicate…
Frustration in you…
Shows me how you feel…"
I swear I’m not the devil…
Though you think I am…
I swear I’m not the devil…
I always fail to see…
The little things in front of me…
The things that mean so much to you…
A way to let you know…
That I appreciate…
The way you always tolerate…
But sometimes when I medicate…
Frustration in you…
Shows me how you feel…"
Saturday, November 22, 2008
November drizzle
So, it's already November, I don't even remember the last time I updated this little blog of mine… What have I been up to? Not that many (Or anyone for that matter) would care or even have the slightest interest, but here goes nevertheless: Work, socializing, partying (Soberly, as usual) and trancing. Not much has changed then, eh? That’s what you might think, but photography has been missing from my list of activities for quite a while… I am still that geek who carries his camera with its full gear (Minus that Sigma 70-300 zoom lens which I wonder why I bought it, I think it’s because it was rather cheap, and for the wannabe stalker that lies within)... I still love photography, but haven’t have had much time to go on those shooting trips, which is a pity, especially since the weather has been improving tremendously lately. I like this month.
Work, well, I am learning to cope with stress, emotions, deadlines, “urgent” tasks and assignments which were eternally ‘pending’ yet suddenly become increasingly important out of the blue, but hey, that is work. Learning to deal with people, learn new things every single day, BEING BUSY! I am quite thankful that I eventually landed this job, especially considering the crisis in world economy, and the announced and unannounced layoffs that have been on the increase for the past two or so months in Dubai… The more fortunate companies are freezing their recruitment; the very fortunate ones are going ahead with their plans and projects. Something that makes me look forward to the coming months is the fact that things will get even busier, with two whole projects coming online in the next 6-8 months, and countless others (Well, depending on how the economy goes worldwide, since the others are not in Dubai)… I hope I will still be in the company by then, and hopefully my plans of continuing my studies will go unscathed despite everything… One word: Hamdella… Hamdella for everything, having a great family that haven’ pressurized me and gave me nothing but continuous endless support no matter what, being at a decent company with a good and relatively stable job within the field I studied and for lovely friends (Husam, Suha, Rasha, Mirna, Amal, Noreen, Zeina, Ghada, Mohammed, Cristina, Khaled, Marcus, Rania, Nassouh, Heba, Zayna, Saeed, Sheena, Lisa and countless others, you know yourselves :))
Useless and irrelevant piece of information there- I am at work doing the late shift today, obviously I haven’t had much to do in the last 15 or so minutes so I decided to blog, I am officially done for the day, so I guess I will wrap up this little post here, in the hope that I will get to update this further later on.
p.s. “Z” suggested that such postings should be kept to myself, and that they shouldn’t be shared, I beg to differ there though… There is a reason why I haven’t removed all the old posts, even the cheesy and teenager-ish ones (To be specific, ones relating to that ungrateful cunt I once adored, excuse my abusvie language there, but I think I am actually complimenting her with those words, and yes, I am ungrateful myself I reckon). They (Old posts) are there for nostalgic value, also, to be an eternal reminder of how everything changes and that the only fucking constant is change. Till this day I cannot explain things or make sense of what happened, but maybe it is better that way… Someone told me that in such situations, (Won’t call it a break-up, we were never together in the first place) you never know how it is at the other person’s end. Another reason is to be a bold reminder of how naïve I am, and how naïve I will always be, I’m not the brightest star in the sky, but I sure can be a force to reckon with when my mind is set to do or achieve something, like father, like son (God bless him).
Work, well, I am learning to cope with stress, emotions, deadlines, “urgent” tasks and assignments which were eternally ‘pending’ yet suddenly become increasingly important out of the blue, but hey, that is work. Learning to deal with people, learn new things every single day, BEING BUSY! I am quite thankful that I eventually landed this job, especially considering the crisis in world economy, and the announced and unannounced layoffs that have been on the increase for the past two or so months in Dubai… The more fortunate companies are freezing their recruitment; the very fortunate ones are going ahead with their plans and projects. Something that makes me look forward to the coming months is the fact that things will get even busier, with two whole projects coming online in the next 6-8 months, and countless others (Well, depending on how the economy goes worldwide, since the others are not in Dubai)… I hope I will still be in the company by then, and hopefully my plans of continuing my studies will go unscathed despite everything… One word: Hamdella… Hamdella for everything, having a great family that haven’ pressurized me and gave me nothing but continuous endless support no matter what, being at a decent company with a good and relatively stable job within the field I studied and for lovely friends (Husam, Suha, Rasha, Mirna, Amal, Noreen, Zeina, Ghada, Mohammed, Cristina, Khaled, Marcus, Rania, Nassouh, Heba, Zayna, Saeed, Sheena, Lisa and countless others, you know yourselves :))
Useless and irrelevant piece of information there- I am at work doing the late shift today, obviously I haven’t had much to do in the last 15 or so minutes so I decided to blog, I am officially done for the day, so I guess I will wrap up this little post here, in the hope that I will get to update this further later on.
p.s. “Z” suggested that such postings should be kept to myself, and that they shouldn’t be shared, I beg to differ there though… There is a reason why I haven’t removed all the old posts, even the cheesy and teenager-ish ones (To be specific, ones relating to that ungrateful cunt I once adored, excuse my abusvie language there, but I think I am actually complimenting her with those words, and yes, I am ungrateful myself I reckon). They (Old posts) are there for nostalgic value, also, to be an eternal reminder of how everything changes and that the only fucking constant is change. Till this day I cannot explain things or make sense of what happened, but maybe it is better that way… Someone told me that in such situations, (Won’t call it a break-up, we were never together in the first place) you never know how it is at the other person’s end. Another reason is to be a bold reminder of how naïve I am, and how naïve I will always be, I’m not the brightest star in the sky, but I sure can be a force to reckon with when my mind is set to do or achieve something, like father, like son (God bless him).
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
If...
If the truth be told
All our vanities have gone
Wasted so much time with them
Pride the victor all along
Building walls between two friends
It was too high to pull it down
It was too high to climb so far
Now we laugh just like the clown
Who reminds us what a fool we are
All our vanities have gone
Wasted so much time with them
Pride the victor all along
Building walls between two friends
It was too high to pull it down
It was too high to climb so far
Now we laugh just like the clown
Who reminds us what a fool we are
Monday, October 13, 2008
In times of uncertainty
... you better be grateful for whatever little you might have...
Thankfully I am still alive, with a job (Shall I make a booking for you, sir/ma'am?)... As we say, hamdella 3a kul shi (Thank Godness for everything)... One should be grateful especially with the whole 'global' economical crisis showing no signs of waning, and with all the major 'players' in the market falling like pieces of domino... Kind of ironic given that a few years ago the Western world (AKA. The safe, smart, progressive and developed nations of the world) was rolling on the floor laughing at a certain information minister and his vain attempts to assure the masses that everything is alright... Now the roles are reversed in a more traumatic way so to speak, OK there are no people losing their lives, but people losing their future... Companies once labeled as "very safe and secure" are now filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy...
What's even more ironic? I can't recall the last time I saw the following words in a news headline:
Iraq, Iran, Terror and terrorism, Middle East crisis, peace and peace talks, US Troops, Afghan militants... These have been replaced by words along the lines of Collapse, bailout, rescue plan, economical crisis, sub-prime crisis, credit crunch and economical instability... What a difference, eh?
To be fair though, no economy is immune to this, and the market here has been struggling a 'bit' more than it does usually (Who are they kidding?)... But anyway, enough blabbing about stuff I have little actual knowledge about, I'm quite thankful for arabianbusiness.com's updates and the little discussions I hold with my lovely mother every evening over dinner over the 'shituation'...
Thankfully I am still alive, with a job (Shall I make a booking for you, sir/ma'am?)... As we say, hamdella 3a kul shi (Thank Godness for everything)... One should be grateful especially with the whole 'global' economical crisis showing no signs of waning, and with all the major 'players' in the market falling like pieces of domino... Kind of ironic given that a few years ago the Western world (AKA. The safe, smart, progressive and developed nations of the world) was rolling on the floor laughing at a certain information minister and his vain attempts to assure the masses that everything is alright... Now the roles are reversed in a more traumatic way so to speak, OK there are no people losing their lives, but people losing their future... Companies once labeled as "very safe and secure" are now filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy...
What's even more ironic? I can't recall the last time I saw the following words in a news headline:
Iraq, Iran, Terror and terrorism, Middle East crisis, peace and peace talks, US Troops, Afghan militants... These have been replaced by words along the lines of Collapse, bailout, rescue plan, economical crisis, sub-prime crisis, credit crunch and economical instability... What a difference, eh?
To be fair though, no economy is immune to this, and the market here has been struggling a 'bit' more than it does usually (Who are they kidding?)... But anyway, enough blabbing about stuff I have little actual knowledge about, I'm quite thankful for arabianbusiness.com's updates and the little discussions I hold with my lovely mother every evening over dinner over the 'shituation'...
Friday, September 19, 2008
Rambling on...
Not intended towards an individual, more like a general rant- I appreciate your treatment (Or lack of), makes one feel how small, unimportant and useless they are...
- I love the fact that I am not the only one in this fucking boat.. Makes it all seem worthwhile, this sense of unity is serene *tongue firmly in cheek*
- I admire how you believe your own lies BUT... I do NOT admire the manner in which you forget your own lies... At least be considerate to my effing blatant gullibility and follow through the BS
-The more you ask me, the more I might seem upset, but eventually it makes me even more self-absorbed
- I love the fact that I am not the only one in this fucking boat.. Makes it all seem worthwhile, this sense of unity is serene *tongue firmly in cheek*
- I admire how you believe your own lies BUT... I do NOT admire the manner in which you forget your own lies... At least be considerate to my effing blatant gullibility and follow through the BS
-The more you ask me, the more I might seem upset, but eventually it makes me even more self-absorbed
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Omar...
... wonders if you are wondering about the same thing that he is wondering about (In typical facebook status fashion)
Friday, September 05, 2008
New horizons
It’s been a while…
Well, I don’t want to jump on the “I’ve been busy” bandwagon, but I’d rather put it in a different way, I just couldn’t MAKE the time to blog really… Last year I had so much time to waste that I had daily diary posts about my trip, but this year all I could manage was a half-arsed effort of typing a paragraph or two on the second night, and nothing else… I had a good time in Jordan nevertheless, was actually much better than I expected… I wish that the previous trips were as ‘cool’, but hey, hopefully the ones in the coming years will be even better ;-)
So, I got back, started work 2 days later, learning a lot of things, and looking forward to more challenges and encounters of the so-called real world… It's going to be a tricky, tricky path, I can assure you that, but hey, no pain, no gain
Got the impression this post is dull and tedious, but might be a reflection of reality?
Hope whoever still stumbles upon this page is well :)
Beace
Well, I don’t want to jump on the “I’ve been busy” bandwagon, but I’d rather put it in a different way, I just couldn’t MAKE the time to blog really… Last year I had so much time to waste that I had daily diary posts about my trip, but this year all I could manage was a half-arsed effort of typing a paragraph or two on the second night, and nothing else… I had a good time in Jordan nevertheless, was actually much better than I expected… I wish that the previous trips were as ‘cool’, but hey, hopefully the ones in the coming years will be even better ;-)
So, I got back, started work 2 days later, learning a lot of things, and looking forward to more challenges and encounters of the so-called real world… It's going to be a tricky, tricky path, I can assure you that, but hey, no pain, no gain
Got the impression this post is dull and tedious, but might be a reflection of reality?
Hope whoever still stumbles upon this page is well :)
Beace
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Attempt at an update
I have the impression that this blog is all over the place, each rambling (A.K.A. post) has little or nothing to do with the previous post(S)… Randomness at its best, but it can be annoying for some (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder people? Or whatever it is called)… Maybe it isn’t too bad to have thoughts all over the place
So, here is a post to try and decipher some things and try to put things into some sort of logical perspective, I know I will probably fail miserably at that, but here goes nevertheless…
I have the impression that this will take a while, started typing in the evening of the 26th of July at a café, before a couple of friends joined, now, these lines were typed in the wee hours of the 27th…
Before I ‘commence’ my sense making attempt, here is the code for the titles: Date & time ~ Location or setting ~ Irrelevant piece of information ~ Eargasm specifications (If any)
[July 27, 7 AM ~ My bedroom ~ drinking water ~ ASOT 361]
So, I have officially graduated, my GPA somehow stayed above 3.50, which is quite good considering the lack of serious effort towards the end, thankfully the first ever C+ that I got did not have a major impact on the overall cumulative GPA. Can’t believe I used to be on the dean’s list, I must have been such a geeky workaholic, wonder where all that determination, motivation, hunger and drive went, down the drain perhaps? Answers on a postcard please
We have finally moved to the new house in a quiet residential area, it’s quite different when compared to our old ‘crib’, the garage is significantly bigger, the garden is massive, rooms are more spacious, better sound insulation (Which means that I can listen to whatever I want at a relatively high volume level without having to anticipate my sister’s eventual knock on my door :)) and closer to my father’s workplace, a bit of traffic though due to all the cheapskates that avoid the lovely road toll gates which are situated perfectly after the last exit that leads to our area :)…
[July 27 9 AM ~ Same ~ Fed up with customer service (Or the lack of) ~ Same]
My workplace is quite nearby as well, even closer than my father’s office (But that doesn’t really count for a lot when there is minimal available parking)… Had to dash out to check on the status of my bank account, they didn’t bother to give me a call to let me know that there is a discrepancy that required clarification, anyhow, that is sorted… I applied at a bank that is in the same complex as the one where my office will be, due to start work as soon as I come back from Jordan…
Jordan? What about Vegas? Well, OK, I won this scholarship trip thing that entitles me to attend a conference in Las Vegas from 8-12 August, but I sadly couldn’t get the visa, thus, I managed to convince my folks to let me repeat my antics of last year of going to Jordan for a few days to attend that Distant Heat rave all over again, difference is that I will get to stay there for a few more days until they come over, instead of coming back to Dubai for a week then flying AGAIN to Jordan with them, not bad. Had a good deal at a couple of hotels in Amman and Aqaba for the 10 or so days that I will spend there on my own, not bad either.
I will miss Spider/Katkoot/LuLu/Whatever name you deem appropriate for our fat, yet adorable cat. He is over a year and a half old now, yet still as beautiful as he was the day that I got him and sneaked him into the house. He still has that uncanny habit of venturing outside the house whenever he could to run around in the garden and to walk on any available patch of sand, making his cute little paws dirty. We just bathed him a few days ago, yet he repeated the same annoying action! Oh well, you can’t force kitties to do anything really, it’s their way or the highway baby, but I still love him! :) The ‘fur ball’!
One small thing, I don’t know why I have this habit of procrastinating. (Whoa, can’t believe I actually spelled that right from the first time, unless the Microsoft Word spell check feature is having a brain fart). Back on topic: I don’t know why I have that habit when it comes to things I have to do for my own sake, like the bank thing for instance, I should have had that damn bank account done and dusted before I even signed and sorted out my papers with my lovely employers, but hey, nobody is perfect, you can’t do it right all the time (As if I ever got it right!)… Quoting Staind “I was made for chasing dreams” (Does that even relate, in any way to whatever preceded it?)
So, what else is there to talk about… guys and their ‘take’ on relationships perhaps? I don’t know what is it with people, but I’m starting to slowly give up on the most decent guys that I know, it’s a bloody rat race, whom would ‘nail’ this chick or that chick and lure her into, erm, you know what… Guess this is ‘the game’, would rather stay away, never grasped the rules, and I don’t think I fit with the whole ideology behind such things… Guess I’m either too naïve or too stubborn, or just too nice in a way… Oh well, all to his or her own… Can’t change the world, heck, I can’t even change my sleeping habits… Been awake since 5 PM yesterday, forcing myself to stay awake, still got to finish off some small shopping, and exchange some money to Jordanian Dinars, yey. Hope I will find some cheap Tamron lenses, I really want a wide-angle lens for my DSLR no particular reason, or even better- A fish-eye! Let’s see how things go today, and whether I will be able to keep myself awake…
So, here is a post to try and decipher some things and try to put things into some sort of logical perspective, I know I will probably fail miserably at that, but here goes nevertheless…
I have the impression that this will take a while, started typing in the evening of the 26th of July at a café, before a couple of friends joined, now, these lines were typed in the wee hours of the 27th…
Before I ‘commence’ my sense making attempt, here is the code for the titles: Date & time ~ Location or setting ~ Irrelevant piece of information ~ Eargasm specifications (If any)
[July 27, 7 AM ~ My bedroom ~ drinking water ~ ASOT 361]
So, I have officially graduated, my GPA somehow stayed above 3.50, which is quite good considering the lack of serious effort towards the end, thankfully the first ever C+ that I got did not have a major impact on the overall cumulative GPA. Can’t believe I used to be on the dean’s list, I must have been such a geeky workaholic, wonder where all that determination, motivation, hunger and drive went, down the drain perhaps? Answers on a postcard please
We have finally moved to the new house in a quiet residential area, it’s quite different when compared to our old ‘crib’, the garage is significantly bigger, the garden is massive, rooms are more spacious, better sound insulation (Which means that I can listen to whatever I want at a relatively high volume level without having to anticipate my sister’s eventual knock on my door :)) and closer to my father’s workplace, a bit of traffic though due to all the cheapskates that avoid the lovely road toll gates which are situated perfectly after the last exit that leads to our area :)…
[July 27 9 AM ~ Same ~ Fed up with customer service (Or the lack of) ~ Same]
My workplace is quite nearby as well, even closer than my father’s office (But that doesn’t really count for a lot when there is minimal available parking)… Had to dash out to check on the status of my bank account, they didn’t bother to give me a call to let me know that there is a discrepancy that required clarification, anyhow, that is sorted… I applied at a bank that is in the same complex as the one where my office will be, due to start work as soon as I come back from Jordan…
Jordan? What about Vegas? Well, OK, I won this scholarship trip thing that entitles me to attend a conference in Las Vegas from 8-12 August, but I sadly couldn’t get the visa, thus, I managed to convince my folks to let me repeat my antics of last year of going to Jordan for a few days to attend that Distant Heat rave all over again, difference is that I will get to stay there for a few more days until they come over, instead of coming back to Dubai for a week then flying AGAIN to Jordan with them, not bad. Had a good deal at a couple of hotels in Amman and Aqaba for the 10 or so days that I will spend there on my own, not bad either.
I will miss Spider/Katkoot/LuLu/Whatever name you deem appropriate for our fat, yet adorable cat. He is over a year and a half old now, yet still as beautiful as he was the day that I got him and sneaked him into the house. He still has that uncanny habit of venturing outside the house whenever he could to run around in the garden and to walk on any available patch of sand, making his cute little paws dirty. We just bathed him a few days ago, yet he repeated the same annoying action! Oh well, you can’t force kitties to do anything really, it’s their way or the highway baby, but I still love him! :) The ‘fur ball’!
One small thing, I don’t know why I have this habit of procrastinating. (Whoa, can’t believe I actually spelled that right from the first time, unless the Microsoft Word spell check feature is having a brain fart). Back on topic: I don’t know why I have that habit when it comes to things I have to do for my own sake, like the bank thing for instance, I should have had that damn bank account done and dusted before I even signed and sorted out my papers with my lovely employers, but hey, nobody is perfect, you can’t do it right all the time (As if I ever got it right!)… Quoting Staind “I was made for chasing dreams” (Does that even relate, in any way to whatever preceded it?)
So, what else is there to talk about… guys and their ‘take’ on relationships perhaps? I don’t know what is it with people, but I’m starting to slowly give up on the most decent guys that I know, it’s a bloody rat race, whom would ‘nail’ this chick or that chick and lure her into, erm, you know what… Guess this is ‘the game’, would rather stay away, never grasped the rules, and I don’t think I fit with the whole ideology behind such things… Guess I’m either too naïve or too stubborn, or just too nice in a way… Oh well, all to his or her own… Can’t change the world, heck, I can’t even change my sleeping habits… Been awake since 5 PM yesterday, forcing myself to stay awake, still got to finish off some small shopping, and exchange some money to Jordanian Dinars, yey. Hope I will find some cheap Tamron lenses, I really want a wide-angle lens for my DSLR no particular reason, or even better- A fish-eye! Let’s see how things go today, and whether I will be able to keep myself awake…
Friday, July 11, 2008
It pains me...
... to see that things have gone down this route... Whatever hope I had was slashed to meaningless fake optimism, back to the naive state of mind that I can't seem to get rid of, or at least manage to balance against the realities of this world...
I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...
I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...
I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)
I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...
Good luck... It's scarce...
I know that this doesn't make much sense, and that I would probably read this again in a year or two and wonder what the heck I was high on when I wrote it, I know that I sometimes over analyze situations and such, but alas...
I hope this dead end gets sorted out somehow, not for my own benefit, just so that life goes on with minimum disruption for you lot (And somehow, ultimately my conscience) ...
I wish I could grow a thicker skin and be more selfish (Assuming there is any way I could be more selfish and self-centered than I already am)
I despise the fact that I might have just lost another friend because of reasons beyond my control and comprehension... I hope you don't change though... Would be a shame...
Good luck... It's scarce...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Double standards
I’m a major victim of applying double-standards in my life... Double standards, prejudice, moodiness and materialism to a certain extent... Some negative traits this generation is infamous for I reckon... Not accepting the fact that other people do tend to treat me using the “double-standards” technique while expecting the opposite to be normal is a bloody double standard indeed...
At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...
I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are
Shame... Shame...
At some point I admit it gets staggering, when unforeseen circumstances for other people are more than convincing and acceptable excuses, while they are conceived as lies when used by yours truly... I’m a self-centred attention whore for this and that, while you’re the coolest thing since fucking sliced bread for the same...
I know my mind does not function as brilliantly as you ‘people’, I know that my genes are not as advanced and superior as you and your whole families and ancestors, yes, you people are all far more superior to me in every single fucking way, now get back to your ultra-cool lives and delicate tastes instead of wasting your time with a loser who values you for who you actually are
Shame... Shame...
Saturday, June 14, 2008
...
Blank... But the only two words that come to mind at this very moment are:
Utterly disappointed...
Utterly disappointed...
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
...
Do I follow different moral standards to the rest of the planet? I know for a matter of fact that my common sense is fvked up, or nonexistent at times, but still...
Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...
As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...
Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way
Maybe I am actually the one who is outdated, ignorant, stupid, spoiled, naive and not able to achieve (Or determine) what I want? Maybe I have to go through great lengths for some things that I 'assume' I am in utter need for...
As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, but I hugely doubt I have any self-awareness whatsoever. I don't really know my limitations, but what is more worrying is that I don't know my capabilities and what I might be capable of doing, or how good (Or bad) I actually am as an individual... Maybe I do have a great mental capacity, after all, I tend to over analyze everything sometimes... I don't like thinking of myself as 'young', because that thought was abolished a while ago, it's a paradox, I mentally find people in their mid or late 20's young, while I do not think of myself as such for some reason... Maybe I am wasting away... Drifting away from reality...
Maybe I need an eye-opener... Maybe one day I will come to terms with who I really am... Maybe one day someone else will love me and take me for who I fucking am, for being different in my own fucked up way
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
bla bla bla
For the ones who give (Or eat) a carrot, this was typed a couple of days ago while collecting questionnaires… Didn’t have the time after that to post it, yesterday was extremely hectic, and today is hectic as well, catching my breath before yet another job interview…
Movers booked for the 2nd of June, not bad, glad that we’re not taking much of the old furniture along with us, only the relatively new electronics as far as I know (No, my 2 or 3 year old PC is not old, I insist on taking it, it can be really reliable when the laptop disappoints).
Collecting more surveys at the moment, tedious process, can’t wait till this questionnaire collection process is all but over in a few days (Hopefully), should be done with this by next week, the whole thesis is due in a month’s time, yippee. I thought I was behind when compared to others, seems I’m more or less at a similar stage as most, apart from the geniuses who are better than time management than me I guess. I can’t believe I barely did anything in April, would’ve saved me a lot of time (And thinking) I reckon, but hey, working hard (Or in this particular case, trying) never killed anyone… I don’t mind the free dinners along the way while collecting surveys, although I’ve been characteristically hesitant to abuse the privilege.
Job hunting too, interviews, presentations, recommendations, suggestions, career advices and so on, that’s what has also been going on in the past few days (Since last Thursday to be precise), got several more to come, the one I am looking forward to the most though at the moment is one that is for a enviable spot on a career development program by one of the industry trend setters here in Dubai (And soon globally), it is aiming to recruit some Arabic speaking people in the region… I hope I am not jinxing my already not so glorious chances by talking (Well, typing) about it, but I’ve been waiting for this opportunity to come around again. Missed out the last time since I wasn’t really inspired to participate or even bothered to try my luck against some of the finest talents that applied from all over the world, as I kind of realised that I would be punching way above my weight, and I was not quite convinced yet back then about the whole program (Nor was I keen on working in the industry) , but now that one of my classmates has deservedly been picked, and hearing first hand about his experience thus far, it’s quite tempting… I can go on for hours about the pay in the industry, but to be fair, of my limited knowledge and experience, it is this industry that I have the slightest clue about, easy money made in other jobs goes as fast as it comes perhaps (I emphasize on ‘job’ rather than career)… Got to think of some so-called nonexistent “qualities and exceptional attributes” that might get me picked ahead of the Jassims Mansoors of this world. Jolly.
Life is quite ironic… What makes such paradoxes easier to take is that what goes around comes around eventually, quoting Aaron Lewis of Staind “Everything must come full circle”…
Movers booked for the 2nd of June, not bad, glad that we’re not taking much of the old furniture along with us, only the relatively new electronics as far as I know (No, my 2 or 3 year old PC is not old, I insist on taking it, it can be really reliable when the laptop disappoints).
Collecting more surveys at the moment, tedious process, can’t wait till this questionnaire collection process is all but over in a few days (Hopefully), should be done with this by next week, the whole thesis is due in a month’s time, yippee. I thought I was behind when compared to others, seems I’m more or less at a similar stage as most, apart from the geniuses who are better than time management than me I guess. I can’t believe I barely did anything in April, would’ve saved me a lot of time (And thinking) I reckon, but hey, working hard (Or in this particular case, trying) never killed anyone… I don’t mind the free dinners along the way while collecting surveys, although I’ve been characteristically hesitant to abuse the privilege.
Job hunting too, interviews, presentations, recommendations, suggestions, career advices and so on, that’s what has also been going on in the past few days (Since last Thursday to be precise), got several more to come, the one I am looking forward to the most though at the moment is one that is for a enviable spot on a career development program by one of the industry trend setters here in Dubai (And soon globally), it is aiming to recruit some Arabic speaking people in the region… I hope I am not jinxing my already not so glorious chances by talking (Well, typing) about it, but I’ve been waiting for this opportunity to come around again. Missed out the last time since I wasn’t really inspired to participate or even bothered to try my luck against some of the finest talents that applied from all over the world, as I kind of realised that I would be punching way above my weight, and I was not quite convinced yet back then about the whole program (Nor was I keen on working in the industry) , but now that one of my classmates has deservedly been picked, and hearing first hand about his experience thus far, it’s quite tempting… I can go on for hours about the pay in the industry, but to be fair, of my limited knowledge and experience, it is this industry that I have the slightest clue about, easy money made in other jobs goes as fast as it comes perhaps (I emphasize on ‘job’ rather than career)… Got to think of some so-called nonexistent “qualities and exceptional attributes” that might get me picked ahead of the Jassims Mansoors of this world. Jolly.
Life is quite ironic… What makes such paradoxes easier to take is that what goes around comes around eventually, quoting Aaron Lewis of Staind “Everything must come full circle”…
Sunday, May 18, 2008
...
Knackered and I barely started! Oh boy, I’m going to be in for the shock of my life when I start actual work!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
In & Out
Moving out in about 2-3 weeks, graduating in 40 or so days, not bad, eh?
Most of the stuff (Read: Crap) that had to be sorted out for our house have more or less been taken care of, it’s being painted now, so we are waiting till that is done, then the curtains people will install the er, curtains… Guess after that it’s just a matter of organizing the deliveries of the furniture from the various shops, guess it will be a pain in the backside (From a logistical perspective)… Garden needs a lot of work apparently, but that will be taken care of too… Electronics will be a hassle too, making sure everything works, the satellite, telephone and internet subscriptions all up and running (I’m kind of excited about the wireless, hope we’ll be able to make it reach every bit of the whole thing, including the backyard :)).
Spider (The cat) will have his small tiny opening where he will be locked up when he is being naughty or when someone is trying to get some sleep in the living room but can’t because he keeps on jumping on them. Will keep his food in my room so he kind of gets attached to it (My room that is, he is already attached to food, lazy fat arsed cat!)
Mmm, what else? Dissertation is the same, slow progress, but getting somewhere, I still find it quite irrelevant to our future careers, and way too academic for people in the fourth year of a hotel management degree, an industry that requires more practical and operational knowledge and awareness, not theoretical and/or academic… But anyway, I guess this is the case with other majors, heck, a friend of mine did film making and had to do a dissertation as well, so there you go.
Photography-wise, had the first shoot with a friend in a long time recently, was quite fun and I liked the outcome of the pictures in general… Got to try different settings that I didn’t experiment with before, and realized that my general lens is quite crap (For the fellow photography and Canon geeks: Sigma 18-200 OS)… Mind you, it’s OK, but as I found out myself, it’s not the best out there. Next on my list: Either a fish-eye lens or the long awaited wide-angle lens! (Sigma 10-20mm!)
Summer plans, mentioned that in a previous post? Not quite sure. Confirmed: Jordan (*Yawn*) in August with the family. NOT confirmed: Jordan and Germany in July with a couple of friends. Wonder how many graduation gifts one can ask for :P
A small rant- I just hope people would stop asking me “Oh, you haven’t finished it yet?” when they ask about the dissertation, it’s not your typical kind of school project that you can finish from start to finish in two days (Or less).
Football: Would rather not go in to that, didn’t have a lot of expectations this year, and we (Liverpool) had a disappointing season in the premier league… Our showing in Europe is a plus, wasn’t the main objective, although I admit reaching the European cup final for the 3rd time in FOUR years would have been quite remarkable, but as said before, fate can be a little slut sometimes, we rode our luck against Inter and Arsenal (and on other occasions in previous seasons), so it was about time that the run of luck ended… Torres , Babel and Mascherano are bloody legends though… Well, till next season… I just hope the bloody Tom Hicks don’t fvk things up all over again as they did before :(… and in Rafa we trust!
p.s. I don’t think I really believe in the sayings “They are no longer on speaking terms” & “Their relationship is beyond repair”. That is how the media describe the defunct relationship between the owners of Liverpool, Tom Hicks and George Gillette. I mean I know that they don't talk to each other, but I am referring to myself, for some reason I don't think that such things on a personal level are "beyond repair"... Guess I'm quite stubborn...
Most of the stuff (Read: Crap) that had to be sorted out for our house have more or less been taken care of, it’s being painted now, so we are waiting till that is done, then the curtains people will install the er, curtains… Guess after that it’s just a matter of organizing the deliveries of the furniture from the various shops, guess it will be a pain in the backside (From a logistical perspective)… Garden needs a lot of work apparently, but that will be taken care of too… Electronics will be a hassle too, making sure everything works, the satellite, telephone and internet subscriptions all up and running (I’m kind of excited about the wireless, hope we’ll be able to make it reach every bit of the whole thing, including the backyard :)).
Spider (The cat) will have his small tiny opening where he will be locked up when he is being naughty or when someone is trying to get some sleep in the living room but can’t because he keeps on jumping on them. Will keep his food in my room so he kind of gets attached to it (My room that is, he is already attached to food, lazy fat arsed cat!)
Mmm, what else? Dissertation is the same, slow progress, but getting somewhere, I still find it quite irrelevant to our future careers, and way too academic for people in the fourth year of a hotel management degree, an industry that requires more practical and operational knowledge and awareness, not theoretical and/or academic… But anyway, I guess this is the case with other majors, heck, a friend of mine did film making and had to do a dissertation as well, so there you go.
Photography-wise, had the first shoot with a friend in a long time recently, was quite fun and I liked the outcome of the pictures in general… Got to try different settings that I didn’t experiment with before, and realized that my general lens is quite crap (For the fellow photography and Canon geeks: Sigma 18-200 OS)… Mind you, it’s OK, but as I found out myself, it’s not the best out there. Next on my list: Either a fish-eye lens or the long awaited wide-angle lens! (Sigma 10-20mm!)
Summer plans, mentioned that in a previous post? Not quite sure. Confirmed: Jordan (*Yawn*) in August with the family. NOT confirmed: Jordan and Germany in July with a couple of friends. Wonder how many graduation gifts one can ask for :P
A small rant- I just hope people would stop asking me “Oh, you haven’t finished it yet?” when they ask about the dissertation, it’s not your typical kind of school project that you can finish from start to finish in two days (Or less).
Football: Would rather not go in to that, didn’t have a lot of expectations this year, and we (Liverpool) had a disappointing season in the premier league… Our showing in Europe is a plus, wasn’t the main objective, although I admit reaching the European cup final for the 3rd time in FOUR years would have been quite remarkable, but as said before, fate can be a little slut sometimes, we rode our luck against Inter and Arsenal (and on other occasions in previous seasons), so it was about time that the run of luck ended… Torres , Babel and Mascherano are bloody legends though… Well, till next season… I just hope the bloody Tom Hicks don’t fvk things up all over again as they did before :(… and in Rafa we trust!
p.s. I don’t think I really believe in the sayings “They are no longer on speaking terms” & “Their relationship is beyond repair”. That is how the media describe the defunct relationship between the owners of Liverpool, Tom Hicks and George Gillette. I mean I know that they don't talk to each other, but I am referring to myself, for some reason I don't think that such things on a personal level are "beyond repair"... Guess I'm quite stubborn...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Moving out, dissertation and so-called relationships
Just to let you know, half of this was typed on Thursday May 8th, while the remainder was typed on the morning of Friday May 10th. (As if anyone gives a carrot).
So, thanks to the “Jumeirah Garden City” project we are forced to move out from our ‘headquarters’ (As mentioned in the previous post). A project that nobody knows exactly anything about, nobody has the master plan and nobody knows how it will look like. All what is known now is that they are demolishing small areas of land here and there. Based on two maps that indicate that the compound we live in is amongst those set to be destroyed, we decided that maybe we should just stop wondering whether it is true or not and start looking for a new place. We found a new one pretty quickly and got the contractual agreements and stuff sorted out, but the problems increase by the day. Furniture that is “definitely available” now suddenly becomes sold out the next day, promises by the landlord to do some basic maintenance works before we move out are never carried out and keep on getting delayed, snags in the bathrooms and in general are another worry that the mysterious landlord is not really bothered about (We have to deal with someone else). But to be fair, most of these problems just need a bit of work and patience, and even if they are not sorted, some of them are not major problems… Should be staying there in about two or so weeks hopefully, so let’s see how things turn out. It’s significantly bigger than our current ‘crib’, it’s near my university (As if it makes a difference now, when I have less than 2 months to finish off my last semester!), closer to where my father works and the school of my small sister.
University is alright, barely going there anymore, this dissertation is quite endless though, taking ages just to do the preliminary stuff like the literature review and the pilot study, but it should sort itself out with time and as I get used to working on it, dread going to the library and looking for resources to analyze information and such. But one’s gotta do what one’s gotta do I guess, it is not like I will get to spend much time ever again there after the end of these two not-so-lovely months, and by the way, this is the point in time in every semester that I start contemplating whether such courses and projects are relevant at all. On one hand, it should be useful when (And if) I decide to pursue a masters degree, but otherwise, what good would a dissertation be really in this major? So far I only see it as a corner-cutting practice to make up the total number of required credit hours (It’s worth nine credit hours, rather than the typical three, yey).
Starting to look for a job, but not so intensely, no rush, I’ll have to work and build my career for the rest of my sad life anyway. Talking about ‘sad lives’, I guess I already lead one. When it takes you more than a year (And counting) to get over someone who doesn’t really care or even remember you, then that is quite sad indeed. I guess it is part of my personality, that, along with the small incident I ranted about on DeviantArt with the so-called ‘consultant’ kind of proved to me that I find it quite hard to take things in my stride and more importantly, accepting that rejection is something ‘normal’ and not that awful really. Maybe I should write a bit about my take on relationships, but I have limited experience with that, heck, I never even dated properly (Or at all) in the first place… But on a second thought, you never know… All I can say is that the fear of rejection and losing not only a friend, but a loved one, makes it quite complicated and complex to get into one, I never really believed in casual relationships either.
God knows when I will have a second read of this and realise the ridiculous amount of similarly ridiculous spelling and grammar mistakes this post has, just like all the others
So, thanks to the “Jumeirah Garden City” project we are forced to move out from our ‘headquarters’ (As mentioned in the previous post). A project that nobody knows exactly anything about, nobody has the master plan and nobody knows how it will look like. All what is known now is that they are demolishing small areas of land here and there. Based on two maps that indicate that the compound we live in is amongst those set to be destroyed, we decided that maybe we should just stop wondering whether it is true or not and start looking for a new place. We found a new one pretty quickly and got the contractual agreements and stuff sorted out, but the problems increase by the day. Furniture that is “definitely available” now suddenly becomes sold out the next day, promises by the landlord to do some basic maintenance works before we move out are never carried out and keep on getting delayed, snags in the bathrooms and in general are another worry that the mysterious landlord is not really bothered about (We have to deal with someone else). But to be fair, most of these problems just need a bit of work and patience, and even if they are not sorted, some of them are not major problems… Should be staying there in about two or so weeks hopefully, so let’s see how things turn out. It’s significantly bigger than our current ‘crib’, it’s near my university (As if it makes a difference now, when I have less than 2 months to finish off my last semester!), closer to where my father works and the school of my small sister.
University is alright, barely going there anymore, this dissertation is quite endless though, taking ages just to do the preliminary stuff like the literature review and the pilot study, but it should sort itself out with time and as I get used to working on it, dread going to the library and looking for resources to analyze information and such. But one’s gotta do what one’s gotta do I guess, it is not like I will get to spend much time ever again there after the end of these two not-so-lovely months, and by the way, this is the point in time in every semester that I start contemplating whether such courses and projects are relevant at all. On one hand, it should be useful when (And if) I decide to pursue a masters degree, but otherwise, what good would a dissertation be really in this major? So far I only see it as a corner-cutting practice to make up the total number of required credit hours (It’s worth nine credit hours, rather than the typical three, yey).
Starting to look for a job, but not so intensely, no rush, I’ll have to work and build my career for the rest of my sad life anyway. Talking about ‘sad lives’, I guess I already lead one. When it takes you more than a year (And counting) to get over someone who doesn’t really care or even remember you, then that is quite sad indeed. I guess it is part of my personality, that, along with the small incident I ranted about on DeviantArt with the so-called ‘consultant’ kind of proved to me that I find it quite hard to take things in my stride and more importantly, accepting that rejection is something ‘normal’ and not that awful really. Maybe I should write a bit about my take on relationships, but I have limited experience with that, heck, I never even dated properly (Or at all) in the first place… But on a second thought, you never know… All I can say is that the fear of rejection and losing not only a friend, but a loved one, makes it quite complicated and complex to get into one, I never really believed in casual relationships either.
God knows when I will have a second read of this and realise the ridiculous amount of similarly ridiculous spelling and grammar mistakes this post has, just like all the others
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