Fade...

Fade…

Note: This was written yesterday afternoon

OK, after a minor encouragement, I decided to update this little blog of mine, I always wondered why the spell checker always shows that “blog” is NOT correct, showing alternatives to weird words like bloc, bog, blot, etc.

Anyway, at the time of writing I was at the pool, this is looking quite nerdy, picture a guy tanning while typing away on his laptop!! Actually, I got so bored sitting at home doing nothing, so decided to go outside for a bit and wait for my car to come back, finally got to fix the stupid dent…

Been off for about 10 or so days already, got 13 more days till school resumes… Enjoying sleeping at random hours, going out cruising at weird hours and not having many things to worry about, I should be thankful that all my parents expect from me at the time being is attend classes when I have any and pass my courses, almost nothing else. Well, they obviously expect me to not do stupid things like come back home trashed or break a leg and some other body parts by jumping off the second floor of a building!

OK, I will talk now about a couple of things, they might be unrelated or sound ‘normal’ or ‘3adi’ as we say in Arabic, but they meant something to me. Last week, while being in a similar state of boredom, decided to go out and start walking late at night, really late. It wasn’t one of my usual thirty or so minute strolls, I actually was crazy enough to walk all the way from my house to my university and back (Excluding the last 1 or 2 kilometers where I couldn’t walk anymore and went home by cab), I have no clue how long the distance is, but it took me about 2 hours and a half to get there including tiny toilet breaks and refueling myself with H2O…My feet and legs hurt me for the next 3 days, left leg was bleeding after coming back home, but heck, it was fun nevertheless! As “S” once asked me, “when was the last time you did something for the first time?” This was the last time I think.

That leads me to my next point, I was talking about my long (and crazy) walk with an online friend the evening after, and mentioned how much my lower body generally felt (It hurt, obviously), earlier today while talking, she popped a simple question. All what she said was, “How is your foot by the way?” it was a pretty straightforward one as well, but what made me ponder it is that I haven’t been asked such an unpredictable question for a while… Questions out of nowhere that relate to things you got over or forgot, but were so important and overwhelming not so long ago… Enquiries that show sincere curiosity about our so-called wellbeing & feelings… There’s nothing wrong with them, they’re actually appreciated… But it’s the combination of the timing, the circumstances and the current lack of such enquiries that makes one halt and start thinking… Or maybe it’s only me and my weird thoughts.

Been forcing myself to eat over the past 3 days, have had those shitty mood swings for a while now, they suck, but heck, people can’t be the same every single day, maybe some people are better at hiding how they feel and their mood swings, but it’s not easy to control them or at least hide them ALL the time… We’re not freakin’ robots

As usual, been listening mostly to the same Staind stuff in addition to house & trance (TATW 153 KICKS ASS, personal highlights: Inner Touch, Analog Feel, Paul Moelands’ remix of Beautiful, Sjamaan, Bluebird & Deep Breath Love Over Sedna), there’s a song that reminds me of someone special whom I miss their presence in my life, it might indicate otherwise, but this just relates to the last two months ONLY when things have taken the wrong turns time and time again… Maybe time will get things ‘back to normal’ somehow, and maybe it just won’t. People forgive, well, I did, but they do not forget, but fuck that, I am willing to forget and open a new page as they say… I might be “inconsiderate & pushy” at times, but I’ll boast here: My loyalty determination, dedication to the cause and anything I put my mind to and anyone I really like are all second to none, and these are traits that the people whom know me well (Including that person) know. Will she ever read this? Well, I would appreciate it, but at the same time I would be surprised if she did… anyway, enough blabbing, here are the song’s lyrics

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surfaceI am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do



And oh, in case any smart asses are wondering, I am still at the pool now, but I will attach the lyrics when I have access to the internet. Yesterday I had my laptop with me while cruising in my father’s car, I wanted to check something on it so I pulled to the side of the road, and to my surprise, there were two wireless connections detected, unfortunately there aren’t any here. Talking about his car, it’s nice to abuse the prowess of an overratedV6 like the one he drives (Pajero)…

Clubbing front: Saw Ferry Corsten & Nick Warren, top djs, quality guys as well… Was kind of gutted that Ferry didn’t play “I Love You”, but I was going mental when he played a couple of songs I requested (The Ones We Loved & his own remix of Adagio For Strings). Nick Warren rocked the house the following Friday, “1983” & “Mr. Brightside” still stuck in my head since then, wish he had played the latter at the end of his set though like he did in Lebanon last May at the defunct Beirut Train Station… Looking forward to Christopher Lawrence in two weeks time :-)